Andrew Downing

June 1997

Scary Kisses


What does that word mean? To most people, it means one man and one woman. To some people, it means two men. To some, it means two women.

But are these the only "valid" types of relationships there are?

A lot of gay men are so desperate to prove the stereotype of promiscuity wrong that they go to the opposite extreme, becoming almost prudish in their attitudes.

For them, monogamy becomes an obsession. This isn't necessarily a bad thing -- I believe in committed relationships myself -- but once people start to say, "This is the ideal relationship. This is what everyone should have," they become no better than fundamentalists who would have everyone be heterosexual.

Many of these people believe that any form of non-traditional relationship is 'sick' or 'weird,' and that they have no validity.

But who are they to judge the validity of someone else's relationship? Is the object of a relationship the happiness of those involved, or the approval of those outside it? There are such things as committed threesomes, you know. And I know from personal experience. I'm in one right now.

Close your mouth. It's not that shocking.

Yes, it required some adjustment on all of our parts. The hardest adjustment to make is realizing that your boyfriend has another boyfriend, as do you -- so you have to make a conscious effort to avoid both jealousy and favoritism.

True, this type of relationship isn't for everyone. But then, neither is a monogamous one-on-one relationship. It's a personal thing, and the important thing is the happiness of all parties concerned.

And there are advantages to a threesome. For instance, if you ever have a problem with one of your boyfriends, you know that you can discuss the problem with your other boyfriend -- someone who not only knows the situation, but knows the parties concerned intimately, and understands both points of view, and can act as an intermediary.

At any rate, I apologize for the shortness of this month's column, but I was a bad boy this month and left it to the last possible second. I'll see you next month.

Until then, I'll be watching re-runs of Three's Company.

[About the Author]

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