Welcome back, folks, to the wonderful world of Jimmy. Things have gone on, but unfortunately, nothing of major consequence.
I found out lately that almost a tenth or a twelfth of the school (about 100 people) know that I'm gay. Isn't that great? I'm kind of dreading the fact that such information could fall into the hands of the lovely rednecks that inhabit our hallowed halls. It's dangerous, too. If word did indeed get out to the mainstream, things could get hairy --- and I have two years left here! Not good, not good. I didn't get drum major, either. I tried out, did a great job, but I think I have a personality conflict with the directors of our band. But that's okay. I was really upset about it, but I think now that it will be okay. I'm doing well in school, and am returning to getting all A's. I'm proud of that -- it's been touch-and-go for a while now. You know what? I have semester finals to study for. And you know what that means? A short column this month. I'm sure you're all broken up about that one.
Continuing my tirade on the fact that there are no major gay GUY celebrities. I was contacted by the director of the gay and lesbian hotline, and he gave me the names of several, but you know what? I've never heard of half of them. And so my tirade continues. I shall have to force someone out of the closet soon. But, also on the grapevine, I heard that a major male sitcom star is going to come out. But it could be a rumor, so you didn't hear it from me. You heard it from People magazine, where all the trashy celebrity stuff is. (Just kidding, folks at People --- don't sue me!). You read it somewhere else. 'Cause I'm just kidding, People. (I'm getting really paranoid right now that lawyers from People are going to zoom up to my house and deliver me a notification that I'm being sued for libel, so I'll end this branch of the conversation.)
I have tried to contact my lost love from band camp, but to my horror, he has not returned the letter. I'm getting upset about that one. I'm really attached the memory of him, and the thoughts of what could be. But I'm getting melodramatic, which leads me to the fact that semester exams loom ever nearer, calling to me. But I refuse to leave without giving you a quote and song lyrics, 'cause it's a hip thing to do. I promise, as well, that next month's column will be much more interesting. I promise! I'll leave you with a quote (actually an approximation) from Nietzsche : "Love is like falling off a sled -- and at night the snow weasels come."
And the song lyrics I'll leave you with are from Des'ree off of the Romeo and Juliet Soundtrack : "Pride can stand a hundred years, and pride will never fall, But watching stars without you my soul cries."
And write to me, send me your comments on the major lack of column space at my new email address : firstname.lastname@example.org Hemingway's my favorite author, in case you were wondering.