[oasis]

[columns]


Jason Lyons

June 1997

The calling of your soul...

Alright, I guess this is my month to get on the soap box. What's up? How many of you have a flesh and blood friend, in real life, I'm not talking Internet, that you can talk to about your latest, same sex love interest. Not necessarily an actual boyfriend/girlfriend, just someone you think is cute or interesting? If you do have a friend like that then rock on with your bad self. Me, I don't have anyone like that. All of my friends are 'cool' with my sexuality, but I wouldn't feel comfortable talking to them about a male love interest. SO is it because I am not comfortable with my homosexual feelings, or is it because my friends might make me feel uncomfortable? I kind of hope that it is because of what they would think, but then that sort of wouldn't be good either. Unless, of course, I just don't talk to them because I don't want to make them feel uncomfortable. Alright I started out writing this thinking that I was going to complain because I don't have anyone to talk to about my bisexuality. Where did I go? O.K. I don't think it has to do with any insecurity I may have. At least not completely. Why? Because I talk about my bisexuality to my friends from a political and religious point of view. And the only part of that they feel uncomfortable about is whether or not I will be allowed to join them in heaven. I think I will discuss this with my friend Norm (By the way, seeing how the video is on right now, isn't Jonny Lang one heck of a cute guy?)

So what has been going on with me? Well I spent a few days wallowing in self pity...Why? Because for quite a while I haven't been satisfied with the direction that my life has been spinning. So what am I going to do about it? It's not what I am going to do but what I am doing. Doing all those things I have fought from doing because i was too scared, too self conscious. I'm allowing myself to be me, because there is nothing wrong with who I am. You may wonder what I mean, and it is simply this. I have hid nothing of myself from Oasis readers, but then I wonder would you recognize me if you met me in real life. Chances are not. I hide in everyday life, too afraid to be who I am. I'm done with that though. I am Jason Troy Lyons, white, bisexual male, with a love for writing and a desire to help those in need. I like guys and all you know this, but the people in my personal life, except for a few close friends don't. You say this shouldn't be a problem because it isn't their business, but it is my business and problem if I am stepping on my own convictions to hide it from them. If others can't deal with it then that will be for them and me to deal with, not for me to deal with alone. I won't be in their face, but i won't be behind their back either.

I died my hair purple. One of my mothers at work called it Screaming Pink! I almost asked her if she believed in mothers intuition, but then realized it wasn't necessary. I have to wear a hat at my job now because of my hair color. I personally think this is a little extreme, but then I am the one with pink hair, huh! I've decided not to fight it, After all, it's just hair and I want to fight only those fights that are worth fighting.

I saw the movie Chasing Amy this past weekend. I laughed and cried at the same time. I'm happy to say that I am getting Internet access available to me this summer so I will be able to continue writing and I look forward to this greatly. I will conceivably have more time to put towards my writing.

And since I wrote that first paragraph of this article I have met someone, not in the physical, as of yet, but through my Oasis mail, that I feel a common bond with. Someone that I feel comfortable talking about whatever, with. I haven't had this since I came out to myself and so this is a much welcomed experience. But I will write about this more at another time. For now I need to close. I hope to hear from you all soon. And remember, if you have a problem with something in life, but choose to ignore it, remember that IF this is what everyone else chooses, what can be done about it?


[About the Author]


©1997 Oasis Magazine. All Rights Reserved.