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Joshua

July 1997

Hey there, it's you-know-who again!!! Nice to be back. This past month has been another fine one...

The Problem With David

David (not his real name) is Mike's (my boyfriend's) thirteen-year-old brother, and I've grown pretty close to him over the past few months. He really is a great kid, very polite and well-mannered (as are all the other family members) so I enjoy being around him, and as I mentioned before, sometimes I'll run errands for Mike's parents when they are too busy to . . . it's no problem.

Lately, however, there's been some changes with David. He's become very quiet around his parents, and he's been wanting to spend a lot of time with me. I have no trouble with that, but what's getting to his parents is that he's started to hug me when I come over, which is on a regular basis. They've made it clear that they accept Mike and I being gay and having sex, but they think that it's not very healthy for David to be around me so much. Where have we heard this before???

I've done a lot of thinking about this, and the conclusion I've come to is that David is either gay or questioning his sexuality, and he's using me to try to figure things out. Now this might sound far-fetched, but there's reason behind my thinking: He was caught experimenting with another slightly younger boy a few months ago during a sleepover and was sent home by the other boy's parents, although they never really told David's folks the real reason; They told them that their son was misbehaving and David was sent home to punish their boy.

David confided this to me. . . he didn't even tell Mike! He's also dropped hints here and there about gay things -- one example that really sticks out is when I was over their house one evening and he asked me if the clothes he was wearing were "faggy"(he was wearing a blue sweater, a white button-down shirt and a pair of khaki pants). I told him "No" and he just dropped the subject. It was so strange!!! Another time he asked me if you could get AIDS by tasting another guy's sperm (he called it another name, but I won't use that here!) and I told him that as far as I knew it was possible, but rather unlikely, and he totally dropped the subject again. Plus, he's asked me about what Mike and I do in bed and I always brush off that topic. I don't think that's something I'd want to discuss with him, nor is it really his concern. But now I wonder if I should talk about it with him. . . this isn't a easy thing for me.

I want to bring it up with Mike, but I just can't seem to say anything to him! And the fact that his parents are concerned about how much time I spend with him isn't a positive thing. . . I'm concerned that they may think I'll take advantage of David. Not in a million years!!!!

I think there is a bit of tension between Mike's parents and me now, but it's kind of subtle. I've noticed that whenever I'm in David's room with him, either his mom and Dad will come in and "check up on us" -- I don't dare even think about closing the door! They also linger around for a while, which gets annoying, because most of the time when I'm in his room we're either playing video games (I suck at them!) or until recently, helping him with his homework.

They're not very happy about us exchanging rings, and while they didn't come right out and say it, Mike's Dad made a very casual comment about how our state would probably never allow gay marriages during our lifetime. I almost said "Idaho does!" but I kept my mouth shut. The whole idea of the rings was to show that we're committed to each other, but maybe I'm being harsh on his parents? Mine thought it was a cool idea, so maybe his will come around soon? I hope so!!!!

Mike is the only person I know who's aware that I'm writing this column, and now I'm having a serious debate about whether or not I should tell David about Oasis? I think it's a great thing, but he's not stupid and he'd probably find the columns I've written and put two and two together. Oh boy! I think I'll wait on that one. . . anybody have any advice on this one??? Please write!!!

Other Things

Over the past month I've been reading the cover story about the tragic suicide of Robbie Kirkland (Cleveland Plain Dealer, Sunday April 6, 1997) over and over, and each time I do it just tears me apart. I may not be the most sentimental guy, but it hurts me knowing that this really cool and intelligent kid killed himself because he couldn't accept something that can't be changed. I didn't even know him and I've teared up while reading the story! I guess it goes to show that someone you don't know can have an impact on your life. What's even more tragic is that there are many more Robbie Kirkland's out there, and they need our help!!!

Part of the reason I write this column is in hope that I may be able to reach someone who is struggling with accepting their gayness, and maybe even give them some hope? Who knows. If I reach even one person, than this is worth it.

Until next time,

Joshua


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