NOTE! I have a new email addy, see below. [email@example.com] Don't send things to firstname.lastname@example.org much longer, or they won't get to me.
It's now July and some may have the cognitive ability to see that on the standard calendar, July doesn't follow May. However, for all of you using my column as the exclusive measurement of time in your life (and I'm sure that number is very high), sorry, you missed June. In the past month, I've received more "where's your column?" mails than I can count. I'm still not quite sure what to think of this, since I'm not used to being asked to perform. Usually my appearance, whether it be in a writing fashion, at a musical event, or whatever, is usually regarded as a "just somewhat tolerable" phenomenon. When I decided I would quietly slip away after my May column, I was barraged by the above-type letters in protest. Well, uh, thanks for noticing me, I guess.
Oh, and absolutely no thanks to the morons who sent me all the hate mail in regard to the same column. The point you all seem to be missing is that I don't like you; I think you are easily manipulated; and, therefore, I do not value your opinion. The request that all you alterna-kids go out and get some valuable self-worth so you can be actual thinking beings was not made sarcastically. I mean that in all seriousness. The answer is not to get belligerent at me, it is to stop and admit, "Hey, by buying into all this shit, I'm a loser." Once you have admitted the problem, you can work at combating it. Sound familiar? (Oh, and to Jake on AOL, the solution to the problem is NOT as easy as going out and buying a stick of black lipstick. Maybe if you also wore a dress, so you could feel how it is to be ostracized... Naah. *big grin*)
Speaking of things that really irk me ("Oh, god," they say, "here it comes! He's gonna rant!"), the music scene now really sucks.
As I have mentioned, I am a musician. I have tried desperately to put it all in perspective -- and figure that I have higher standards than the general music-listening public for that reason, but I just can't do it. I see no logical, emotional, physical, or any other sort of reason for the existence of any people or groups like Bush, Green Day, The Presidents of the United States of America, The Goo-Goo Dolls (nice front cover, tho'--heheh), Oasis, Korn, Marilyn Manson, Alanis Morrissette, or the "new" Sheryl Crow. This is muzak for playing in the background of those mall "alterno-culture" stores frequented by you, the people in my May column. I urge you to consider the following comparison. Take a lyric from a currently popular song (I am not making this up, though I may have messed up the rhythm scheme):
All I wanna do is to thank you,
Even though I don't know who you are;
Because you let me change my lane
When I was driving in my car.
...and compare it with something with more musical value, like:
And what costumes shall the poor girl wear
To all tomorrow's parties?
A hand-me-down dress from who-knows-where
To all tomorrow's parties;
And where will she go
And what shall she do
When midnight comes around?
She'll turn once more to Sunday's clown
And cry behind the door.
...which is from "All Tomorrow's Parties" by Lou Reed, incidentally. You tell me which is better. GUESS, if you can't. And it doesn't help now that going "alternative" has been in style, such artists as Sting (who was good when he was with the Police, by the way) and, as I've already said, Sheryl Crow have changed their look and music to fit. Even sir "waking up the neighbors" himself, that king of soft-rock, Bryan Adams, has done it. And this says WHAT about this music?
I, however, am not one of those people who believe that all music that was made after 1975 is bad. Very much on the contrary, actually, there are some modern-ish bands that have merit. One of my favorite bands, Nirvana, can still be considered modern. In fact, any band that was/is making alternative music for! what it is supposed to be (a blend of punk elements with technique and instrumental progression derived from classic rock) is good. Smashing Pumpkins, the Raincoats, Sonic Youth, Radiohead, and numerous other bands are all examples of genuine alternative rock. Furthermore, Stone Temple Pilots, Mr. Bungle, Counting Crows, and even Trent Reznor all show how you don't need to call yourself alternative to make money if you put out original music. But for chrissakes, look at the terribly huge following that the bubblegum fad groups I've mentioned above have garnered. And they will just be another flash in th' proverbial pan when the next craze rolls around.
Anybody who violently disagrees with me can mail me, but you should really read my disclaimer down at the bottom first.
For everyone keeping up on my love life, my German boy went home now that school's out for the year. I'll probably never see him again. Finally, since I knew it didn't make any difference, I went and told him that I loved him, or something like that... He just gave me this little noncommittal gesture. I think I'm doing better now, but after the fact, I went up to my room and cried for about three hours. Ouch. Thank god I've got people around I can talk to, one in particular. *hand over mouth* Wooo! Did I just say that? Heheh... Maybe more will follow. Stay on track.
Wu-all... I'm sure everyone is getting ready to throw some animal flesh on a fire and create disturbances in the neighborhood with small explosive devices in celebration of this here country we live in. Really, to all the people reading from other countries, be glad you don't live in this place. It's no coincidence I spell it "AmeriKKKa," if you get my drift.
But I'll save that for later. It is late, I am tired. Next month, I'll rant and rave about how our political system is so far gone, our liberal party looks much like that of the ultraconservative parties of many European nations.
Any negative opinions on this article are your own, and should probably stay that way. On the other hand, though, the author can be reached at email@example.com [note the new address]. He promises he'll get to the bit about the Rocky Horror Picture Show in the August column.
Oh, yeah: If you can tell me who, in 1970, wrote "FUCK" on his forehead in an attempt to keep the press from photographing him, but instead got arrested, I'll send you something interesting. Mail answers to firstname.lastname@example.org.