First, some personal stuff (just in case you care):
I am writing this column in a computer lab at Cornell University (Ithaca, NY). I do not go to school here. I have moved out of Virginia, but I don't know where I'm going. Cornell has really lax security. I appreciate that -- last night I slept in a classroom in the Anthropology Dept. So, I think that I may be the first homeless columnist for Oasis. Wacky stuff.
I got a lot of responses to last month's column "Why I Hate Straight Men" Thank you all very much. It was so successful that this month I am going to continue the trend and write about:
WHY I HATE GAY MEN
Boy, I just hate everybody. This is why I am doomed to a life of celibacy. Oh well. *sigh* *hoist Cross* *drag*
OK, obviously, I am a gay man, and I like myself quite a bit. So I don't hate all gay men, but there are many aspects of "the life" which I find pretty annoying. One of them is:
AGING QUEENS. I really hate those aging queer men who whine about how great it was in the 70's when they could go out and fuck ten different guys every night and isn't it a shame that now we have AIDS and can't do that anymore. Let me tell you, I don't fuck around like that, but not because it's dangerous. It's gross. Anonymous sexual encounters are slutty. I want to have some kind of emotional connection to the guys I have sex with. I just saw one too many documentaries about HIV, and I hate that kind of sentimental reminiscing.
CLONED GAY ACTIVISTS. Activism is good. I like Queer Nation. Hell, someone has to make up for my being so politically apathetic. But I hate gay people who are all "into" being gay. The ones who can quote the Kinsey Institute studies on homosexuality chapter and verse. The ones who know the exact rising statistics on AIDS cases in each minority group. They've read every book listed in "the Unofficial Gay MANual." People who know every faulty translation in the Bible and can spout it back to fundamentalist Christians. Look people: you're not going to change anyone's mind by arguing logic with them. And please, develop a life aside from The Cause. I'm an individual, not solely a member of a sexual minority.
"STRAIGHT-ACTING GAYS". Again, I can be pretty butch. I don't even register on Gaydar. But I really don't think that gay people should be required to act just like straight people. I like being exotic. I like drag queens at Pride parades. Why should we conform to the expectations of the straight majority? They won't accept us any more because of it, and we'll have stifled part of our own community.
BITCHY QUEENS. They're bitchy. It's annoying. That's it.
Oh, and while I'm ranting, here are some things about being gay that annoy me:
80% of the cute guys out there would turn me down without thinking about it.
The assumed AIDS risk. I don't have a problem with AIDS. Yeah, it sucks, but constant risk is something you have to deal with. It just annoys me that so many people assume that I'm at risk, just because I'm gay. I don't take very good care of myself - I drink a lot, I stay out late, I don't eat my vegetables. But every time I'm sick for more that a week, someone always wonders "are you sure it's...just a cold?" I was in the hospital with pneumonia a couple of months ago. It was critical, I almost died. I couldn't move quickly for weeks. But I knew that I was HIV negative. I'd been tested like eight months before, and I get laid less than almost anyone I know. But they still insisted on doing a test, and all my friends and family immediately thought that I had AIDS. None of them actually came out and asked me, of course. It hadn't even occurred to me that they might be thinking that. I guess it makes sense: gay man hospitalized with pneumonia. But it was still annoying.
Answering the same questions from straight people over and over again. Here they are in condensed form: I was 12 when I first realized. I came out when I was 18. Yes, my parents know. They aren't thrilled, but they're dealing. Yes, I have dated girls. No, I still don't like them.
OK, I'm done now.
To balance out the angst inherent in this column, I've included a happy poem about gay sex in the Arts & Entertainment section. Check it out. Also, you can now check out my hideously incomplete web-page. I taught myself HTML in a week, and coded the site before I left home. It's not complete, but you can read my children's book and some of my poetry. http://falcon.jmu.edu/~roundywc
Responses to this column are welcome: email@example.com