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Darnell Williams

July 1997

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, how should I start this one? I guess I should start off by saying my name.

Hi, I'm Darnell and I currently stay in Durham, North Carolina. I say stay instead of live because I have no particular attachment to the city nor the State I live in (but some of the people, now that's a whole other story). I was dragged here in the middle of my seventh grade year with harboring feelings for the city I was both born in and spent probably the most content four and a half years of my life in -- Ann Arbor Michigan (by the way I'm sixteen (and if you're wondering why the years don't really add up it's because I also spent seven years in Coral Springs Florida)) hmmm but that's all in the past and completely off topic add three and half years on to that and it brings us back to the present.

I guess you should also know that I'm a rising gay junior at Hillside High School. With the bio out of the way, I guess I can get down to the nitty gritty. About a year ago, while experiencing the summer dulldrums, I had the bright idea to amuse myself by looking through my old middle school yearbook and picking out people that looked like they had something to say and the using my handy Middle school directory to call them under the guise of Chris (always liked that name(and you know it is my middle name)).

So, I was already to go and I eagerly set off looking through when I saw him. From the moment I set eyes on him, I knew he was special and that he was who I wanted to talk to so I called him up and scared the shit out of him (although I really didn't think of it at the time, some people might have considered this stalking (hmmm, oh well)).

He eventually became accustomed to Chris calling and we became friends. I told him my real name and it some how came out that I was gay. I thought he was too, but he always played it Mr Macho straight guy with violent tendencies. We kept up our phone correspondence until the middle of this school year when we abruptly stopped.

A month ago, after talking to a mutual friend, I decided to call him again he had a lot to say including that he was now bi (no real surprise). We quickly became better friends then we ever had before and made plans to meet in person since we had never seen each other in almost a year's time. When we met we were quiet and the next day we told each other that we liked each other. Since then, I've been in bliss but I haven't really been able to tell him exactly how I felt.

So, if your reading this, I just wanted to tell you that although I really can't say it. I really, really care about you and I probably always have and that when you thought that no one liked you or that nobody cares, I always did, even though I couldn't tell you, Mr. Macho Straight guy. And even now, when you're just Mr. trying-to-be-yourself ... hmm, oh well, at least if you read this you know what I feel.


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