Robert Hines

September 1997

Hi all. Most people write their articles about what happens to them, I like to write about what I learn when things happen to me. This article though I think I will write a lot about me!

I am single again. I don't want to date for a long while, people I've gone out with destroy my trust. This is leading to my little sub-topic, out and in of the closet people dating. He just drove me nuts with all of his closetedness, it wasn't really that, it was little stuff totally not having to do with being gay, like who cares anyway? He was so insecure and there was no need to be. He said he liked the people I hung around with, he thought they were different. I don't, they're a group of people I like, well no, love to surround myself with. I guess he thought they were different because they were open, we could be together with them around, because they didn't care, they saw two people show affection for each other.

What really pissed me off was the way he dealt with people, he kills himself. He didn't *express* himself. He didn't tell the truth to people who needed to hear it, he held it in. He likes holding it in too, the thought of confrontation was much too irritating, he would rather live with the every day torment of assholish people. When he did say something to someone to pass them off, he gave them a reason why he wouldn't be going out tonight -- but it wasn't the right reason. I mean this is a person who came out to all of my friends, you think he would be able to tell someone the truth about their behavior.

With me, self expression is a very big deal. I'd rather someone tell me they didn't enjoy my company rather than me find out and feel like a jack ass about it. Coming out of the closet is a personal decision and no one should EVER be pushed into it. I guess I broke up with him because very simple little everyday things would be held in and it drove me nuts. I don't want to prejudge all people who are closeted here, but I think may be a lot would be more narrow than people out of the closet. This doesn't mean someone in the closet can't be more open with someone about how they feel about someone than a person out of the closet.

I personally find it straining telling someone my feelings for them, because I'm always scared of rejection. I put my feelings aside though and do what I know is right. So I guess I created another stereotype in my head, "closeted people are mostly narrow, stay away." I often hear friends and others say that they would never go out with anybody in the closet. I also hear from *some* closeted people that they would be scared of ever dating someone out of the closet for fear of being discovered.

Don't worry anyone I wouldn't hold your hand walking down the street if you were out. It kind of pisses me off that people think like this about stuff. If I ever run into another closeted person with a chance of dating them I don't think I'd think any differently from before I have this little evil in my head. I would judge them on them not on the fact that they were closeted. So what was the point of my article so far? I don't know. I guess its hmmm..... Who cares if your in the closet or not, just be safe, judge the person on them not on their closet condition.

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