September 1997

Hey, look over there. . . it's a bird. . . it's a plane. . . no, it's. . .


Oh, well. . . I tried to be funny? Before I get started I'd like to send a special Thank You to Jeff for allowing me to add to my August column so late in the game, and for all of the readers out there who sent me such positive encouragement -- I love you guys!

Back To School

When it gets down to a few weeks before school starts up once again I turn into Mr. Tense, I can't help it! I'm so nervous about the new guys that I'll meet and other school-related stuff that it just takes over my every thought. . . I think about that even more that SEX! Oh my, get this young man some help, double time! PRONTO!

On a positive note, I got to meet the fifth-grader that I'll be a mentor to, and I like him a lot. . . I know he'll do really well at my school, he has this natural charisma that just makes you pay attention to him. My Mom told me that he reminds her of President Kennedy, and he looks like him in a way. He has inborn leader ability, so I can see him being involved in our school's Student Government.

Right now I have a serious dilemma to deal with -- whether or not I want to continue playing soccer or not? I've been playing on teams since I was 10, and it's fun enough. . . but. . . well. . . I'm getting bored with it. Actually, the best part sometimes is looking at the other guy's legs! I love the feeling I get when I make a save, but it can be really dull just standing there waiting for the opponent to try and score. At my school every student has to be involved in a sport, and right now golf looks like a better option for me. . . but I don't think members of the golf club team actually take showers after they play. I just want the best of everything, don't I? Maybe I'd be happier playing a different position, but all I've ever really done is play goalie. . . that experience is what helps to put me on the field.

Anna & Ty

I've talked in previous columns about a girl that I'm close friends with named Anna (not her real name naturally) and a week ago something happened between us that I'm really not sure what to make of. I'm actually losing sleep over this!

Here's the story: I'm over at her house and we have the place to ourselves, which I guess is pretty cool that her parents trust her to have a boy around without them there to check up on us! So we're sitting up in her bedroom on her bed and she's talking about Hanson -- I think I'm into them as much as she is, and probably in the same way! -- and totally out of the blue she slides over to me and kisses me! While some of you might think that this is a total grossout, I was actually into it! I mean she's pretty good looking (for a girl) but this time I really felt something for her, different from all the other times we've been together? I guess I was attracted to her, but it was different from the attraction I have for my boyfriend Eric (we know ALL about names by now, right?). This feeling was one of deep attraction. I've felt that for Eric many times, but this was just something totally new?

She then asked me if I want to take a look, and at first I had NO idea what she was talking about, I mean I was totally lost! In the summer she often wears these long dresses -- and she looks really cool in them, and she stands up and just pulls the dress off, and my jaw just drops like her dress on the floor. . . she's obviously changed since the last time I saw her bare!

I just stood there like a moron looking at her and she asks me if I want to do anything, so I reply with "Like what?". . . I can be really stupid sometimes! I better stop before this becomes a NC-17 column, but suffice to say I'm no longer a virgin. I still don't ejaculate, so everything's cool. . . but I'm not exactly sure if I'm okay about all of this? I mean I'm gay, I'm totally into guys, and here I am getting a home run with a girl?

The worst part is that I didn't take a shower when I went home -- I was in too much of a daze to do something that complicated! -- and when Eric came over and was about to "take care of me" so to speak, the first thing he said was "You smell like a girl. . . ugh, gross!" I told him that I smelled like that because I needed a shower really bad, and he believed me!!! Some people.

One thing I've decided is that I'm going to keep this to myself, I mean I have a special relationship with Anna and I want to keep it that way. . . but still part of me is thinking "Ty, you did it with an actual GIRL!" That could make some guys jealous at my school! I'm still gay, so I guess doing it with a girl won't change that one? I think that just added to my confusion, because now I have to deal with the fact that I've walked on both sides of the street.

Which side will I cross over to?

Love To Everyone!!!


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