October 1997

A Ray of Sunshine

I would like to start my article off with a quote from an email I sent recently to wonderful new email friend of mine. When I came out to my mother and father (read about this below) they told me that I was choosing a very difficult path in life. This is my response to my loving parents:

"It's a tough path in life that I am traveling...it's good to know there are some good, kind people walking with me."

OK, since I have a lot of topics I would like to write about this month (mental diarrhea) I am going to split my article up into sections so that you can read what you want. If you have plenty of time or find me incredibly interesting (which you all should) I would hope you would read all that I have written.

1.0 General Greeting

Hi everyone, thanks for tuning in again to read what I have to say this month. I would like to send out a special thanks to those of you who sent me a note of encouragement last month. It's always nice to know there are people out there who care. Things are going much better for me since I wrote my last article. I've made some great gay friends and I am having lots of fun hanging out with them. I am in therapy for my childhood sexual abuse pain and I am also on anti-depressants as well (see last month's article).

2.0 Sex Life

Granted, up until recently, I've had no sex life (read virgin) and I still am (depending on your definition of a gay virgin). I had my first gay sex experience. Before I continue with this story I need to tell you it is not a success story or a story I tell to brag out my sexual prowess as you will soon see. I am writing this because not all experiences go according to plan in life. One of my professors told me in class once that one of the best research papers she ever read in a journal discussed the failure of a research study. Failures are important ways of learning, so put on your thinking caps and let us begin. I met this cute guy through my friends. We were out at the gay bars and I could tell he was interested in me. So at the end of the night when we said our good-byes, I gave him a big kiss. I totally surprised myself. I had no intention of kissing him but there I was doing it. Several of us went for late night food and then I drove him home. He invited me in to his apartment and, of course, I said yes. I really didn't know what to expect or even if I was ready for sex (I've only been out about three months). So we sat on his couch talking and caressing each other's legs for about two hours. Then things took off real fast -- too fast. I was very nervous and after going to his bedroom I aborted and said no! I was just too scared and uncomfortable to try anything with him. So, I went home. Well, I called him the next day and explained to him why I left and things were cool. The following Friday night he came out with us again. This time he came back to my place and we tried again. We had fun and I wasn't so nervous. We took it real slow (no leather and chains -- I know how boring). The problem is that I don't think that he and I are right for each other so we will not continue to date. So what did I learn, virgins pay attention, if you are going to have sex or think the potential is there, let the other person know that you are not experienced and take it slow. Don't be in a hurry. Don't forget to discuss AIDS and safe sex. I know this is very hard to do but better before than after.

3.0 Other Oasis Columns

In regards to the one of my other columnist, OCEAN, I loved the gaydar quiz you linked to at the Blair magazine site in your August column. If you didn't read Ocean's August column go and read it NOW! Then try the gaydar quiz at: www.blairmag.com/blair3. It's damn funny!!!

4.0 Broken Hearts

I recently met this really great guy who swept me off my feet. We really clicked or so I thought. Apparently I was just some boring person who he found annoying. He didn't even want to talk through email and be friends. We are in very similar fields in school and the field of engineering is not exactly full of openly gay people. Well, needless to say, I was really hurt by this. I had my heart stolen by several other guys and was really getting down since none of them even found me slightly interesting. Then I remembered something I learned at AIDS Foundation Houston. This organization has two great guys who run a program called "Project Caesar." Its great for people just coming out. You learn about AIDS, sex, and other important issues. What they taught me was to make a list of what you really need, want, and would like in a lover/partner. So I made my mental list and then tested these Heartbreakers against my qualifications. None of them were even close. I realized that I would not have been happy with them for very long. I recommend trying it. But its important to remember that even though they broke my heart, hurt my feelings, etc., that I do the same thing to others who I am not interested and want to "scare off." So please be kind -- what goes around comes around.

Well that's it. I must stop. Send email to me at: james25182@aol.com. I wish you all a great month.



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