October 1997

Doing The Right Thing

Last month, I talked a bit about buying a house, and I thought that I was all set to go through the process and buy it. Well, I was jumping too far ahead of myself because I changed my mind. Long story, so I'd better explain!

After going through the initial discussion about the property and working on the loan with my banker, I starting having doubts and a few things came to my attention that I had never really thought of. Buying a house is no small thing, and it's healthy to look at the big picture from a distance sometimes to get a different perspective.

If I went ahead and purchased this house, I'd be married to my job for a long, long time, just like a lot of the younger folks I see buying their first (new) car when they're 18 or so. My job pays really well, but it's starting to have a negative effect on me, both physically and psychologically. Last month, I wrote about how I felt like I spent most of my time on my job, and as the last few weeks passed by, it got worse. Mike ended up doing my laundry because I just didn't have the time (or energy) and when you start neglecting your housework you know something's wrong! Ever work a 16-hour day? Let me tell you, it just sucks! You get a whole new perspective on money when you find yourself at work more than at home!

So, I decided that I'm going to do something bold, something that to me is the right thing to do: I'm not going to buy that house, instead, I'm going to work a few more years and then retire from paid employment.

OK, now that everyone has been revived via smelling salts, I'll explain the situation.

I did a lot of number crunching on a rare day off, and I realized that I already own the duplex I live in, so why should I buy a new place and go deep into debt when I already have a home that practically pays for itself with my tenants' rent? I thought I'd have more privacy, but we already have a decent amount and my tenants are just the nicest people-- they even do all the yard work in exchange for rent reduction. Smart folks!

I talked to them about my plans and they mentioned to me about how they used to own a house, but they decided to retire early and enjoy life, and they gave me the name of the book that they used as a guide: "Your Money Or Your Life" by Joe Dominguez and Vicki Robin. Very interesting stuff!

There's more to this than me just giving up my job, I think I've realized after all of the insanity that I've gone through lately on my job that this is no way to live! I mean people do it all the time, but at what cost? Mike (my boyfriend) and I hardly ever get to see each other, and it makes things difficult on both of us. Besides, I don't want him to be my laundry guy, I want him to be my boyfriend!

This past month things have gotten worse around his house and he wants to get away from his family, so I know he's going to take me up on my standing offer to move in with me. There's plenty of room here, so it's no problem for me. I've never lived with anyone like this so things could be interesting?

More About David

As I've discussed in previous columns, David (not his real name) is Mike's gay little brother, and he's been going through a lot of problems and is basically driving his parents crazy. As much as I love the guy, David needs some serious help!

David's sexuality is taking over his life, literally. His parents aren't exactly the most open people in the world, so when David told them that he wants to come out at school, naturally all Hell broke loose! The words tact and subtle are NOT in his vocabulary, and everything he does is just getting more and more annoying. He's starting to do things to draw attention, but he doesn't understand the difference between positive and negative attention yet.

A good example of this was when I treated his whole family to dinner on the Sunday before Labor Day. Everything was fine until the waiter came around to order, and David became a queen out of the blue. . . it was so embarrassing, and that put a cloud over the rest of the meal. I was pissed, not only because he acted out of character, but because he did something that made all of us look bad. We live in a conservative community that's just starting to become more open to gays, and here he sets a bad example. If he was ALWAYS like that and was acting in his true form, then I would not have cared, but this was a deliberate act.

The worse part was that he didn't seem to thing he did anything wrong, after all he's gay and was just "being himself"-- that's the answer he gave me when I took him aside and asked what he was doing. Sorry, not acceptable. I know his Dad used the belt on him when they got home, but I think that this is just the beginning. I feel sorry for him, but something has to be done with him before he goes too far out of control.

As I said before, his gayness is taking over his life, and its to a point where that is all he cares about. Maybe it has something to do with puberty, but until he calms down I think he's in for a rough ride! He's dead set on coming out at school, and he wants Mike and I to back up his decision. Sorry, but there's two no votes between us. He has this fantasy that everything's going to be okay after he comes out, but I know this area well and he's in for a rude awakening. There's more to coming out the just the act-- there's the aftermath. The price can be high.

God be with him.

Until next time,


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