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Jason Lyons

October 1997

Candid thoughts...

Do you know how to love me? - Robyn

How is it going, everyone? Is that back to school excitement still hanging in the air? Or is that just a dirty sock stuck to the blade of your ceiling fan?

Everything is going pretty well with me. Had a couple of bad times in the past month, but they were drowned by some good ones. Got a promotion at work. A little excited about that. Considering moving to Arkansas in a few years and getting a little curious about that. Overall, life is just moving along at a good pace.

Do any of your friends ever experience intuition. All of a sudden you're just grabbed by a thought or idea that you don't really know for sure is true, but have a pretty good idea it is. I'd say lately my intuition has been pretty ...aggressive. But I will come back to this.

I had one very strange thing happen twice to me this weekend. Possibly though, it wasn't so much strange as it was new. It was definitely enjoyable. As all of the regulars know, and others are about to find out, Love is something I have been struggling with. For awhile I questioned whether or not I loved myself let alone anyone else, and then after realizing later on that I did in fact love myself, it became a question of what loving others meant. Well, this weekend I realized it twice. The first time I was just sitting and chatting with a friend, and this warm feeling towards that person just washed over me, and I knew then I loved them. A day or two later, I was working on another paper and it hit me again. There was a second friend that I really did love. Since then it has happened three or four more times (believe it or not there are even a couple of guys in there). I have never felt this in the past, this feeling of love is new and uncluttered.

I had something else happen to me, something I am so sick of dealing with and talking about that I am not going to any lengths except to say. Stay attuned to what is going on around you personally, remember that keeping yourself safe is YOUR job, and if someone around you doesn't understand something about you, and it causes conflict. Consider whether or not that person knows all there is to know. Believe me those mentioned above can save you a lot of panic e-mails at four in the morning.

Let me tell you a story:

Years ago there was born a child. The child's name was Arthur. Arthur was a very happy child when he was younger until he got into his teens. When he got there he, wanted things to be perfect, which he felt he could succeed at if he was just like every one else. Years went by, him doing what every one else was doing at any cost, but during that time he was never happy. He figured he wasn't trying hard enough so he would try harder. Things only got worse. Then one day out of the blue, Arthur realized that he wasn't getting anywhere. Oh sure, many people had tried to tell him this ever since he could remember, but he never believed them until now. He never believed them until that moment of self-realization.

Every one was so happy for him, congratulating him and telling him they were so proud. It wasn't long and everyone was pushing Arthur to talk to Tommy and tell him all about his self-realization. Arthur did talk to Tommy, but not about what the others wanted him to, instead he talked to Tommy about the weather.

Surprised? Arthur knew better that to try and tell Tommy what he was doing wrong, because he knew that he could not make Tommy want what everyone else wanted him to have, Tommy needed to want it. And being just like everyone else tasted far sweeter to Tommy than being an individual. But Arthur knew inside that someday Tommy would get a taste of individuality and go looking for more. Until then, Arthur could be his friend.


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