Troy N. Diggs

November 1997

"Hello, it's me, I'm not at home If you'd like to reach me, leave me alone... I think a change... a change will do you good..." --- Sheryl Crow

This last month has been a big change for me. Mostly good.

I did indeed turn 21, and to celebrate (a little late), a friend of mine and I went to one of the casinos down in Tunica, MS to gamble... since he's underage, he didn't go in (but he did wander around the gift shops and whatnot), but I gambled $7.00 on the slots and video poker. I lost $5.50. That's not what bothered me about the whole experience.

What did bother me were these people who were sitting next to me, feeding $20 bills into the machines like there's no tomorrow and losing the majority of it. It made me feel really creepy, ya know? A friend of mine has a wise saying about gambling: "bet using your head, not over it." I couldn't help but think that these people were indeed betting way over it.

I also got a job within the last 3 weeks. I'm now working over at the new Hollywood Video up here in Jonesboro. It's not really so bad... I mean, sure, it's only minimum wage, and I do have to wear the dopey tuxedo shirt, pants, dress shoes, red bow tie, and red cummerbund, but hey, it does beat taking orders through a drive-thru window.

I guess the biggest change for me within the last month or so, however, is that I've kind of reconciled my feelings toward a guy I know. Last Sunday, I was in Bible Study before mass (BTW, cheers to the Catholic Bishops for being more open about homosexuality: woo hoo!), and we were talking about people who have this "holier than thou attitude" about their religion, and I brought up this story.

Last fall, I tried to befriend a guy who was having major problems dealing with his sexuality, among other things. He took said holier-than-thou attitude towards me in the situation (going so far as to apologize for using the word "hell" in a sentence in an eMail), left, and came back this semester because he really didn't have much choice.

To cut to the chase, I was angry at him at the beginning of 1997 for all this, but now, I feel a lot of sympathy for the guy. I really do. The nun who leads our Bible Study admired me for the sentiment, but really, I think I feel that way just because I've got nothing left to feel.

He still hates me. I know he does. It's taken me a while, but I've finally realized that, you know, if he has a problem with me, it's HIS problem, and not mine. I know that there's lots of times where "social standing" plays a big role... in high school... with friends... hell, even with the college I was at my freshman year. But, you know something? I'm glad I feel the way I do. It means that I've done a bit of growing up. I guess that's something you never quit doing.

It's a change. Life's constantly changing. I guess you either have to learn to change with it or play catch up later on in the game.


I love mail. Mail is good. Drop me a line at TDiggs@aztec.astate.edu, or visit my Web page at http://www.geocities.com/~tdiggs/. Hugs, ya'll.


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