Virginia Eveland

November 1997

I'm getting letters. Oh dear, am I getting letters. I'm not sure why it surprises me that you're actually reading my articles and responding, but it does. I suppose I'd forgotten how easy it is to send an e-mail. I never did do the whole "hey, this is who I am" bit, but it seems one is in order before I continue.

OK, my name is Virginia Eveland. No, I wasn't named for the state. I'm a bisexual Wiccan in Stafford, Va. I'm out at my school to people who care to know, I'm out at my work, but not my parents. So technically I'm yet to get out to the people who matter a whole heck of a lot in my life. (sigh)

OK, now that we've gotten that out of the way...

A few people have written me about some similar issues, and I'm going to try to address a few of them in this article. So, here goes.

A question I get frequently is as follows. "Help, I'm confused about what I am, can you help me?"

The simple answer is no. I can't help anyone figure out if they are or are not one way or another. That seems to me to be a task that resides with a person individually. The complex answer is that I can be around and write you back and agree on how terrible life can be, but if that will help you figure yourself out, I can't say. What I can advise is to TALK TO SOMEONE. And I mean off-line, by the way. It really can help. I know that, for me, my life didn't really seem to get a lot of order until I met Joe (and we all know the name game, right?). So Joe is a Pagan, homosexual, and very much a wonderful guy. Just talking to him once a week is enough to keep me level headed. So this moment in time is brought to you by the message of FIND someone to talk to, it can be a good thing!

The second most asked question is "Help, I'm having trouble dealing with parents/siblings/friends and I don't know if I should come out, what should I do?"

Whether or not to come out is an INDIVIDUAL decision. Don't be pressured into coming out because you feel that you have to come out for the betterment of whoever. Coming out probably isn't for you if it involves having your support-net of friends and family wrenched away, losing your college money, your home, or physical injury. Coming out may be a good thing if your parents and friends have shown signs of being gblt friendly in the past. I'll be guinea pig again, and admit that my parents have shown no signs whatsoever of being tolerant, and there is nothing wrong with not coming out to a hostile environment. It can be tough dealing with hostile comments, but it's much worse when the people saying them know they're talking about you.

So, that's my version of a FAQ. I don't mind elaborating, just drop me an e-mail, or if you have something you want to see discussed next month, let me know.

Bright Blessings.

Virginia Eveland

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