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[columns]


Diego Mays

November 1997

Pause

It's funny how things turn out. I decided to try something different and unique this week: I spent time with myself. It seems silly because everybody knows more about themselves than anyone else. I, on the other hand, just go through the motions. It's a lot simpler and I don't have to think.

I guess that's not how people start their first columns so I guess I should give my name. My name is Diego, I'm a freshman at Arkansas State University, and I don't want the house with the white picket fence. I just want to be happy.

Going back to what I said, I learned a lot about myself. First, I learned you learn a lot when you refuse to leave your room. I got a lot of homework done, discovered a new song (I think the group is called Dogstar), and have a Tuesday Night lineup now. Cool. Because I stayed in, I realize how important homework was. It's not much, but a little higher than it was to me.

Second, I thought about something I hadn't thought about in a long time: my bisexuality. I've come to terms with it two years ago, but lately, I just don't have that same flame I had for girls. Yeah, I love guys better, but I always had some attraction to girls. Now none seem to interest me. So naturally, the question comes up: am I even attracted to girls anymore? And the answer is...yeah. It's just I would like to have a boyfriend right now. What can I say? I like having girls as friends, but give me a good guy anytime!

Which brings us to (if you're still reading this) my third observation: me as a person. What do I want out of life? I want to be a writer, have a boyfriend, and be happy. Naive thoughts, but hey, a person can dream.

After reviewing these three thoughts, I realized I haven't done enough to make these things happen. I don't have a boyfriend. I'm not a writer. I'm not even happy. So I thought it was time to put on the brakes. So I did.

I'm finishing a story right now that I hope will be published someday. I still don't have a boyfriend, but I'm definitely looking. As for being happy, I'm trying. I don't feel like crap so that's a start. I'm a little (okay, a lot) insecure with my body, but I'm starting to go to the gym again to tone up my body.

Well, I think I said enough. The point to all this: take a breather from time to time. You'll be surprised (I sure was.). If you have any comments, compliments, questions, or just want to talk to me about anything, send it to brandon528@hotmail.com.

Ciao, chicos and chicas,

Diego


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