Virginia Eveland

December 1997

Sometimes we reach points where we're going on blind faith in our lives. For the longest time, I've told myself that getting away to college was the primary goal. That once I could live away from my parents I could live the life of my choice, and be openly Bi and Pagan. Now, though, the doubts of realistic consequences are creeping into my brain.

The early admission form is off to James Madison University, www.jmu.edu for anyone who cares. It's not a bad college, and I've been assured by many people that the town around there is a lot like Fredericksburg, only better. Better Pagan community, at least. While it's nice to think I'll be able to skip away on a two hour drive to my ideal college, and have rituals under the sweet light of the moon, somewhere, somehow, my brain manages to kick in, and remind about other concerns.

I had a hell of time finding a community in little ol' Fredericksburg, and I'm quite ready to break out into tears at the thought of leaving behind the people I've gotten know over the past few months. Hell, I'm just now turning 18. I can finally seek a teacher without being cast aside for legal concerns. But how fair is it for me as a student to build a relationship with someone only to wave goodbye and fly off to college this summer?

And these people, these dear friends with whom I discuss everything and anything. Who will sympathize with me about being bisexual, who will bolster me when it seems I'll never find the right person? Who will tell me all kinds of adult jokes and stories to help me keep my mind dirty while my body waits in the wings? And who's going to make me think, to challenge all my old preconceptions as I form this new life view of mine?

It's going to be tough. Incredibly tough. I never thought that being so close to a goal I've held important for so many years would be so trying. You would think I'd be happy to be turning 18. Instead I'm just more frightened. Now, if my parents find out, they don't have to even legally keep me, support me, send me off to that mighty college I want to attend.

But I'm in the middle of it all. Chances are, more than likely, particularly if I read my Tarot cards right, I'm going to get into JMU. I'm just not so sure now, standing on the edge of that achievement, that I want to leave. Here's to hoping things work out for the best.

Virginia Eveland

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