December 1997

So I was watching TV this morning... late to work and feelin' burnt and on the Today show Jenny Jones is defending her show concerning the loser that shot the gay guy or something. Anyway they show a clip and he comments that he is straight, then a quick shot of the crowd -- there were guys jumping up and cheering, women clapping with wide smiles, people happy as hell that this guy is straight. What would these fucks have done if he said he was gay? You know, they would've laughed, snickered inside, chuckled at 'those two queers'. So is there something funny I'm missing about being a homosexual?

Is it that they drive from their hometown of 2,000 cornbred rednecks to see the same crazy motherfuckers they live next to? Or do they glide in on the Kennedy Expressway in their ultimate driving machines to see defective society put on a show for them? I don't know, I think it's both. I want to go see the Jenny Jones show sometime soon. She rules and I always see all kinds of cute guys in the audience.

I used to have one of those stripe rainbow stickers on my car but I took it off. I was walking to my car from the Osco and there it was in the parking lot standing out like mad. I tore it off. That thing didn't represent me, it was like I was trying to show off a false reality. It's nice to see a car go by with a brag flag on it because it's like hey 95' Accord... I feel you. But sometimes I see a car plastered with 50 bumper stickers promoting peaceful propaganda including gay rights and I'm like hey 82' Renault... no one gives a shit about your issues. I can't say I'm proud to be gay, no it feels good that whenever I see an irresistibly hot guy I have the most incredible wave of pure something come over me. It's so beautiful that I love the fact that most straight guys don't know how incredible it feels to love, desire, need, and lust for another male being. Does any of that make sense? I just want to make the point that I have finally figured out that... well I dunno! really it can't be explained so if you know what I mean, good.

Diversity is the most interesting aspect because I only know what I want today. Man that sounded stupid, anyway.... Maybe its a tough Latino gangster looking guy, a pretty soccer jock frat type boy, an offending punk wannabe, an alternative burnout type of guy, a loser drop out boy, a blonde/blue european tourist, or a preppie even. Whatever it may be, it's never the same tomorrow... so does my sexuality make me naturally diverse with people or could it be I'm just fucked in the head?

Okay, so my last article was really depressing or something... I bitched about the difficulty of finding 'normal' gay people. Look who's the ass now because not long after I wrote that I met a couple really cool guys who are gay, I still like to bitch though.

I smoke, both the conventional way and the non-conventional way and I have this theory that 75% of gay teens smoke, what else but Marlboro lights with most smoking shorts but some smoke 100's. Does anybody want to prove me wrong on this one? I'd like to see a study of how many gay teens smoke. Most I know smoke more than their straight counterparts and I guess that proves what people say about gay youth being more likely to smoke, drink, and use drugs. Anybody else have a similar theory?

Before I stop going on about pointless things to fill space, I just have one more issue. Can you as a gay male/female _honestly_ admit to yourself that if you were not homosexual you would be completely comfortable with gays and/or the gay lifestyle? This is something that has been on my mind lately. You could avoid answering that by saying something like it's an impossible question to answer since you aren't straight. But what good would you be doing yourself then? And you could even say well I'm not comfortable with gay people/lifestyle and I am gay. In that case I guess your screwed but things seem to get better, trust me.

My writing doesn't always make a whole lot of sense but if you want to e-mail me you can send mail to: cim303@hotmail.com.


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