Robert Hines

December 1997

I want to talk about labels. I hate them so much. I used them so much too. I suppose you have to use them first to label yourself gay to find out what gay means. I see being in the closet now is labeling yourself straight because that's what society expects. I see myself as having a sexual orientation towards people I suppose. I've never gone out with a girl before but I've never gone out with someone with dark skin either, so why should I care and why should anyone else care about that?

Around here, a local youth group has started at our college, it's way small, but it's a start. It's mainly a discussion/social group right now. There isn't much structure to it and well we really don't know what to do. Everyone's thinking I just went on about labels and I go to a gay youth group. Well I don't really think it is for me that much. It is a place to get my steam off, but if I don't go, who will? There are people so in the closet right now and some of you are reading this. They don't understand that people can go out with people, it's either guys have to go out with girls and/or guys and have to label it bi/str8/gay. I was homophobic at one time, I got over that, learning that people who did go out with the same sex were like everyone else, there wasn't anything that I could see on the outside that defined that. To describe it with a really bad analogy, it's like you need to learn how to add before you can multiply.

If the way a person looks doesn't count and only an emotional attachment counts than why can't I go out with a girl?? If you really think about it, why does there have to be a physical attachment? I don't know. Some of my best friends are girls and I am emotionally attached to them a lot more to people I've gone out with. I don't understand why I feel like I couldn't go out with a girl. When I end up dying and whoever I decide to spend the rest of my life with dies we will still love each other, God knows where, but we will. And we will be spirits, are there guy spirits and girl spirits?? I don't think so. So physical attraction does matter with me.

I get on edge when people label themselves but I have to shut up and let them do what they want. I feel if I did that I would be slapping a stereotype on my back and people would automatically have an opinion of me. I like totally can't cook, I'm not interested in making any clothes, and I hate Martha Stewart, so there. In every social situation I have been in I always felt different. I was making myself feel different, I was focusing on the fact that I thought people were focusing on it, really insane thoughts. It's just better to be you, nothing else. No one ever matches the perfect stereotype and everyone would see the perfect stereotyped (minority here) person differently, in my mind it's all an illusion and crap. An effort of society to have control and be able to figure everyone out quickly since it is such a dangerous place at times. Even my mother, she always wanted to meet my new friends and all, but the way she is now is looking at them for about 5 minutes and talking to them isn't going to ease her mind that I'm not hanging around with nuts.

The last month has been different for me, a friend and I are putting on a rave so it is something for me to focus on. I turned 17, YAY!, Later all.

[About the Author]


©1997 Oasis Magazine. All Rights Reserved.