December 1997

Well, geeze where should I start. Well, why don't I tell you a little about myself?

I am 16 years old, I'll be 17 in January. I am 95% gay and, I think -- 5% straight, I know a good looking girl when I see one, but have NEVER gotten a hard-on when I see one. I knew I was gay long before I knew what heterosexual sex was (before I knew where babies came from). I always have known I liked the way guys looked.

No one in my town knows I am gay. I seriously thought about telling my mom but can't get the courage. There is really no reason to tell her, it will only make things harder. If there was a <i>need</i> to tell her I would. My mom and I are really close. I tell her all the crazy things I've ever done with my friends (even thought she tells me not to). My parents are divorced, it's really been two years, but my mom kept going back. Then, my dad and I got in a really big fight and my mom wasn't getting along with him either. So we decided we HAD to move out. I have one younger brother. He can't stand living in town, so right now he's living with my dad. However, he plans on moving in with us when we move (end of the week).

Now, lets talk about sexual experiences. A few months ago I decided to come out on the net. Before, I was afraid to go to a web site that had "gay" in the URL. But I am sick and tired of it, "Screw 'em" I thought. When I came out, I decided to spend my time in chat rooms talking with other people my age about the things that mattered to me. This was really therapeutic for me, I NEVER had anybody to talk to about these things before. It was GREAT! Then I meet this wonderful guy.

"John" lives 800 miles away, and we hit it off right from the start. We have a lot in common. Well, after a week, he was more than convinced to come and see me. He left on a Friday and I got to meet him that night after work. I told my mom I was going cruising with a friend. "John" picked me up at a nearby laundromat where my friend's mom works and we went to a hotel. It was a VERY memorable night. Then "John" took me home and I dreamed about him all night. The next day, I told my mom I was going to a friend's overnight sleep-over birthday party. She, of course, believed me and I rode my bike to "John's" hotel room. It was the greatest 24 hours in my life. We are both very affectionate people and we get along great. The biggest difference is age and height, I'm 6'1'' and he's 5'8 (I think), I'm 16 and he's 19. We fell asleep in each other's arms that night. Well, "John" had to go home and go back to college, and I had to get along with my life. I have to admit, we both cried -- a lot.

Now I have a new boyfriend. "Jake" is great, but we have a few differences. One of them being he's 22 years old! But that really isn't the one that turns me off. He's very paranoid, and does a lot of 22-year-old things. I guess I can't "blame" him for that. However, he's really sweet and caring. He lives 40 minutes away and takes classes at a local college within 1/4 mile of my high school. We also met in a chat room.

I have to admit, I have been pretty lucky in the men I've met in my life so far. But all I can think about is "John." I plan on taking correspondence courses to satisfy my senior year of high school and go to college close to "John" next year. We still keep in touch, and I've told him about "Jake" but I told him about how much more he makes me think about him.

Well, that's my life story. Feel free to e-mail me. I will try to help sort out mixed emotions or feelings -- I won't bite -- I'm pretty friendly.

e-mail: Nex@ecr.net

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