December 1997

About Me?

My sister said an amazing thing to me today, "Personally, I can also remember showing feelings to people that I usually don't express to others, or don't express well. Seeing themes and things I had talked to others about, occur throughout the last couple of weeks: fear, regret, joy, confusion, of something missing. . . love, caring . . about _me_?"

I was amazed.

Usually I don't underestimate people, I'm not as dumb as I look, but the phrase that came right out of my sister's mouth made me jump in surprise. I was touched by the tenderness and sincerity of it. When I heard it, I thought back to the time Richie asked me, "When you first had sex with your boyfriend, was it tender and all special or was it just, like, 'I'm so horny screw me now!'?" I was forced to answer affirmative to the second question. A blow against same-sex love in their eyes but true nonetheless.

I wondered about where we're going hating each other, hating ourselves, hating people that hate us ... vicious cycle isn't it? I realize these are questions we've all asked at one time or another, but has anyone ever answered them? Can they answer them? Will they answer them? I won't, that's for sure; I may have the courage to voice the questions, but the answers are for you.

The holidays are coming up. Thank God! I don't think I would be able to survive two more weeks here. Of course, I'm only going to a friend's house. Stupid decision on my part. I'm going to miss my boyfriend so much I'll taste it. Want and Need are a couple of mo'fo's. I once heard a doctor say that people are attracted to each other due to their chemical makeup and not their looks. He said that looks are indicative of chemical makeup though. People are attracted to those of superior chemical makeup so that their progeny are superior children. Anyone see anything wrong with this? I don't think I'm worried about children in the near future .... Hmmm .... Ah, well, "the best laid schemes of mice and men most often go astray." Has anyone else heard about this theory? Any comments?

Okay all my macho readers, why is it that some schools force their students to have a certain amount of team sport playing time? I, myself, am strong, but I hate organized sports. It's not that I'm uncoordinated, I'm a dancer so I know how to use my body, and I'm not horribly femmy, either. I just don't see the splendor in having to serve two terms in a team sport when there are so many other physical activities available at my school. There are dance classes, horses, camping, kayaking, and many others. I know exercise is important, but jeez give me a break!

Well here it is, my view on the het world clashing with the g/l/b world. Be sure to tune in next time, same time, same fabulous magazine. Be sure to answer my questions if you dare ...

Later, Kipp


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