Curtis Lawrence

December 1997

"Christmas, and Other Things That Are Changing In My Life"

Another writer tackled the issue of Christmas and its affect on him last year, so I get fewer points on original topic (I hope I don't have to start scraping the bottom like Howard Stern to get ideas next) but it is an issue that we all have dealt with at least one time in our lives (unless, of course you are either not or no longer Christian, like me, or you live in a place where the Grinch or Dictator Aujordhui has stolen it from you).

Christmas, I believe Bill Clinton said one year, is about family. Yes, we sit around watching the needles fall off the Christmas tree and ignite on the way-to-hot lights and burn the cat (three times!) We gorge ourselves on a big turkey or imitation turkey-flavor soylent-green (mmmmmh soylent-green) and in the spirit of capitalist excess -- that's what you commies out there call it, admit it -- give each other withering looks in exchange for the cheap gifts we buy each other. Then one or both parents get loaded and wind up pissing on the tree thus ensuring a fun trip to the Christmas ward in the hospital.[Note: dramatization, do not attempt at home...unless you've consumed MadDog 20-20]

It should be a time of joy and family togetherness, but for those of us who haven't come out it has a slightly hollow ring to it. The love feels a little artificial. Of course some chapters of P-FLAG advise against coming out during the holidays for such reasons as the parents may not be able to take the extra stress.

Of course, then try being a Humanist, gay, and enduring Christian out of respect for the beliefs of your parents, no matter how much your knowledge of the Bible, archeology, and history tell you that there are no records of the 'star that shined so bright', that the events surrounding his birth were based on secondhand accounts and conjecture by people who never met him but wrote about him twenty+ years after his death. Then note the irony of the One true Faith, the champions of whatever it is that family values is, being based on one of the most untraditional and somewhat scandalous families.(Unwed mother living with a carpenter and claiming that she was impregnated by the spirit of her God would raise a lot of eyebrows even today!)

Not that I really mind that part that much, people need stories, I've found. Little romantic legends and beliefs to help them get on with their lives that as long as they don't turn into mindless dogma are quite acceptable to me. Plus I get a break from school because of them!

Get back on topic; it can be lonely during Christmas when you see all your friends getting together with their significant others who come home from away. It makes you want to scream at times, hell just watching some of my hitched straight friends nuzzle and cuddle makes me rabid most of the time.

That's why things are going to change, my resolve is to finally come out to some people I been carefully observing and feel I trust. Instead of celebrating just Christmas I'll also celebrate the Winter solstice as a symbol of a new year of humanity growing in their knowledge of the universe and themselves, and striving to make the coming year better for everybody (it's something a person I know suggested). And finally, I'm going to screw up some courage and go to a dance...with someone I like for a change.

Merry Christmas,

Happy Hanukah,

Joyous Solstice,


Curtis Lawrence.

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