Paul Sepuya

December 1997

Welcome back, everybody. And a wonderful second birthday this is for Oasis. Seeing as how most everyone will be talking about the two-year mark, I'll just do the regular. Maybe I'll get to that later. But anyway, I've been reading Oasis for about a year and a half now, and it's my favorite spot on the web. I doubt I would have gotten through so much stuff so well without this friendly spot sitting in my bookmarks.

the usual

First, I'd like to thank those who send me some good advice to deal with that nosy friend of mine. Just saying to shut up doesn't work with his type. For him, it was like some new fad. Sort of like "Lesbian Chic" and all that. It was interesting at first, since I was the first out gay friend he's had. But soon, after he got all the info on all there was to know, it died.

In fact, the whole sensation of coming out at school died out like the Plague. It was hot one moment, everyone spreading the word, but then once it reached them no one cared. Go figure. One girl friend of mine said that she thought she was ugly "just for a second", and was relieved to find out that i'm only gay. I'm sorry if I caused her any trauma.

In the last month, I've gotten really into writing. Mostly poetry. It's a wonderful way to express yourself, especially if you've got no one to talk to or in the closet. I've read some in my English 2 Honors class, and even published some in the school paper. My teacher wants to get a collection from all the students and publish a book of all our stuff, and I can't wait for that. I suggest that everyone have at least one way to express themselves. In art, or writing a journal, or just talking to someone. It works wonders. One of my poems is on Oasis this month, go see after this.

OK. Since last time, I came sooo close to having a boyfriend. He's bi, and it started off as us making a deal to see if certain other people we both like were interested in us. He talked with the other guy I like, and I talked with the girl he liked. Then he tells me he likes me, and we decided to go out on a date. We did do a bit of stuff...then he backs out cause he doesn't want to come out yet. But everyone knows he's bi anyway. He still keeps denying it, and there's nothing I can do. He knows everyone I hang out with would be supportive and helpful for him, if he'd only just admit it. They already know, and couldn't care less. He just doesn't want to be labeled. No one does, but we already all are.

time for a few rants

This section I already had done, but something came up, and things have changed in the three days since then.

I'm mad. Mad that a friend of mine has turned cold towards me. She won't even speak to me, and she's trying to get others on her side. She was the one who seemed to take it well when she found out I was gay a week ago. See, she's the one who I told about earlier who I made feel ugly -- for a second -- that I wasn't looking at her in that way. I can't believe she could be that shallow -- and she is not that extraordinary.

What hurts me the most is not that she was a close friend (we weren't), but that she's the first person to just turn on me like that. Now she's spreading it, as if others didn't know, and a bunch of other crap with it to make me look bad. I've been nothing but always nice to her, and she gets mad over a little thing like me not getting the hots for her? I can't figure it out.

Some say girls are easier to come out to, but so far I've never lost a guy friend from coming out. I've actually gained a few. I guess everyone will loose a friend or so in coming out, but the best ones will always stay by your side through it all.

"and in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make"- The Beatles

Now, to end this on a good note. I remember in July of 1996, that first time I saw Oasis. It was such a wonderful experience, actually finding a place where there were people I could relate to. I was not out to anyone really then -- other than the people who squeezed it out of me in eighth grade -- and that didn't count. I was looking for some quality information and things I knew of. In a situation by where typing "gay" in a search engine turns up nothing but sex, I was tired of not getting anything to help me through accepting and coming out.

I found all of that, and a world of much more through Oasis and the wonderful people who put this site together. I thank everyone who has made this site possible, and send my best wishes to all the young poeple out there who are going trough hard times. And I congradulate those who have had the strength and courage to pull through.

See you next month, Paul

PS: you can email me about anything at pianki@msn.com, and my homepage is at http://www.geocities.com/WestHollywood/Heights/2446/index.html there you can see more of my stuff, and find out more about me.

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