December 1997

Well, it's Oasis' second year this month, and my first year knowing about it. Last November, we got CompuServe, but internet access cost extra, so I didn't search the web much. A week later, we signed on AOL. About two weeks after that, sometime in early December, I discovered Oasis. There weren't many columns then, not quite as many as there are now, but God did they help.

This time last December, I was suicidal, thinking I was a pervert and there was no one out there. By Christmas, I was out to myself. I didn't deny myself my sexuality after finding Oasis. Oasis proved to me that I'm normal. My lifestyle is normal. Not necessarily "the norm". "The norm" doesn't exist. Inside all of us, no matter how conservative, there is something unique, different, or odd about us. That's what makes us us. That's why we're not all clones. But normal is there. By normal, I mean "not perverted" and "not twisted". Don't disavow high school crushes, or stupid puppy love; don't let ignorant words like "fag" stop you from realizing your dream.

We're all put here for a purpose. You change the world each day you wake up. Make an impact. Do something different. Be something different. But never, ever forget, that you are the greatest thing ever made. Some of you may be first time readers. Others may have been here since the first December. Some of you are out. Some of you are still in denial. But please, please remember how wonderful you are. There isn't a person on this earth who isn't absolutely amazing in some way. Even Jerry Falwell. Don't waste your gifts through suicide or drug addictions. We can't handle losing another.

I'd like to thank Jeff Walsh (the brains and brawn behind Oasis) for creating Oasis. It takes a lot of courage to do something like this when every gay man is suspected of being a pedophile too. Thanks a bunch for helping so many of us cope with the hate, the prejudice, and the loneliness.

The Closet Got Too Cold

About one month ago I made a decision that so far has proved to be a good one. I came out. Not totally out, unfortunately. Not even to my parents. But to my friend Rachel. I was extremely surprised by Rachel's reaction, as she is a devout Christian. She accepted me with open arms, and said she was sorry for so many bigots and homophobes.

Rachel has made me seriously think twice about my ideas on Christians and Christianity. I see that I was being thoughtlessly narrow-minded, and would like to apologize for my anti-Christian propaganda in the past. My words were not well examined, and I see that I may have offended many, many loving, caring people who didn't deserve the harmful remarks. I'm sorry.

Once again, you can e-mail me at Siva@cyberjunkie.com. Please keep in mind that I'm not into cyber or phone anything, or trading porno.

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