January 1998

January...The month of new beginnings and resolutions. This year, however, I have decided to bag the resolutions. I do this because the grand schemes and self-improvements I set out for myself on the 1st never seem quite as rosy by February. Then you I feel guilty for dropping them, so I have decided to not do it to myself this year.

By the time you read this, I will have gotten back from my Christmas vacation. My parents are taking my sister and I on a cruise. It should be fun. Well anyway what I really wanted to talk about were my parents. I love them very much but sometimes they can be so damn confusing. I'll take my mom for example.

For the last year, she and I have been playing this little game, she will say something interesting (read: Anything that hints at the fact that she knows or suspects that I am gay), watch my reaction to it and then let the subject drop. I don't know what exactly is going on, but it is somewhat unnerving. Let me give you an example. Last month, me, my mom, and my sister were sitting in the kitchen. My sister had just gotten flowers from a boy at school who liked her. So my mother and I were joking around with her. I look up from my book and ask her what he looks like. My sister began telling us and when she got to the part where she said he was white, my mother stopped her. She said to my sister that she was surprised that she was dating a white boy (Only because my sister had before intoned her general preference to date black guys) Then she looked at me and said that she wouldn't be surprised to see me dating white girls.

At this point, my sister who I had told about my orientation, started giggling. I shot her the stare-o-death, but couldn't resist laughing myself. My mom asked what we were laughing about and we both stopped instantaneously. She looks at me and says and I quote, "What, you don't date girls?" I just stared at her while trying to pick my jaw up off of the floor. She then turns back to her cooking and says, "I don't care who you date as long as you do it responsibly."

Okay, I know that sounds encouraging, but it still freaked me out. Oh well, as my friends say, she probably already knows or figured and just wants me to actually say it to her. Well, next month, I will talk about my dad, he is either the clueless one in the family, or thinks that he can turn me back. Example: While we are in Florida waiting to get on the ship, he wants to take me to Hooter's. Now personally, I would rather have my skin ripped off, and be dumped in a vat of salt than to go to this place, but my response was, "I dunno"(With dumb look on face) So next month, I will delve deeper into the enigma that is my father.

Email can be sent to me at jmarti9073@aol.com so feel free to write. Bye Now!

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