Paul Sepuya

January 1998

Welcome back for yet another month of Oasis. The birthday bash is now over, the New Year has begun, and things are back to normal. Or is it normal? Yes, of course it is. Normal is however things are in their natural state. No surprises, no acting, just being.

[OK, but this columns gonna get a bit lengthy here. How long? Well, that's a rather personal question! OK OK, I'll get to it, I promise...]

So I'm just being, we are all just being ourselves, or at least we wish we could come out and be ourselves. Well, to some people, being ourselves isn't good enough. I recently received in my Inbox, along with all my wonderful e-mail, a message from some young man who things he can help me live a "a healthy heterosexual life..." That's nothing new. Of course I can live a healthy heterosexual life. That is, if I marry a woman whom I fake loving, have sex with her at least every other night, and drink my Sustocal brand health drink. But at what cost to my MENTAL health? I would be going against everything that's normal to me. Anyway, here's the letter I got:

Hey buddy.

I was reading your column in Oasis magazine and I liked it. I think you are a very brave person, and have a lot of courage.

How do people feel about you at school?

I live in Australia, Sydney actually, which is commonly known as the gay capital of the world. And I'm 21, and have struggled, and still am, with gay feelings.

I agree that real love is based on a persons personality, because both love and sex are true for both the body and spirt. When you have sex with somone, you become one, which is why I feel sorry for people who misuse sex, sleeping with everyone they can find. I see that they are some of the most miserable people I've met.

I have some good news for you though. You may not think this, because you have become confortable with your feelings, but it is possible to have a healthy heterosexual life. First, ask yourself, do you believe in God.

I would have to say you would, because no one is a true athiest. No one can know eveything, so God could exist in the part of knowledge they don't know about and can explore.

Second, ask yourself, did God make man? Answer? Of course. Evolution has been disproven.

Thirdly, so, if God made man to be with man, why would he make women?

There are many factors which have gone into your life which could have lead to develop feelings of a gay nature. Understanding them and dealing with them one at a time is the only way to have a life beyond them. Note I said beyond, which means your life will not be as if gay feeling never existed. But you can move past them, perhaps to have a family.

If you need any advice, or would like to comment, pls email me.....[his email address here]

Catch ya later, man.

[his name here]

After reading this oh-so-evangelical message from a silly young man who thinks he's doing good, I typed up this reply:

Hello [his name here],

Thank you for being so concerned and for liking my column, but I must tell you I disagree completely with your beliefs of sexuality.

At school, no one makes an issue about my sexuality, or anyone else's for that matter. Gay, bisexual, or straight. I have never lost a friend to coming out, only gained friends and respect from people from being able to be myself and live honestly. I am only a happier person for coming out like I did.

First, I will agree with you on the point where "real love is based on a person's personality, because both love and sex are true for both the body and spirit." However, the "spirit" is a part of the mind, and the mind is a series of electro-chemical reactions in the brain and central as well as the peripheral nervous system. I hope you know that. This is why we are attracted on a physical level, as well as mental. Attraction happens, and is coded into your brain. No one can change that. I'll get back to this later, as you will see.

So now you say "it is possible to have a healthy heterosexual life...but you may not think this, because you have become comfortable with your feelings..." But, first of course, I have to

A) believe in God, because it's impossible to be atheist
B) ask why God made man, because evolution is disproven
C) and why would God make woman, because if man was meant to be with man, then why women?
D) analyze why I have feelings of gay nature, and find out that there's life beyond them

This is interesting indeed. I know many true atheists, raised without any religion whatsoever. But I do believe in some sort of spiritualness, even thought it's neither proven nor disproven. I do NOT believe in a high and mighty God with a grey beard, white skin, a crown, and a throne amidst the clouds, who glows while angels and dead saints worship Him. That would seem a bit self-revelrous in my opinion.

So, evolution is disproven? Well then, I suppose your God just decided to make the world and put a few rocks with shapes of skeletons of never-existent animal prototypes a couple hundred feet below the surface. God must then, work in mysterious ways, because I can't think of anyone else who would. Even a majority of the most religious people believe that evolution works guided by God's Spirit. Evolution and religion can both work on the same field. So, out of due process over billions of years, our species has come into existence, either on it's own through trial and error, or by a spiritual force.

Let's now assume that "God" did create man. Now, when I think of that phrase, I think manKIND, not an animal standing 6 foot with a beard and a dick. Obviously you think the male of the species came before the female, when, in fact, the female is the default sex. Sorry to disappoint you, but the only reason biologically for the males are to make sure genetic mutations don't built up over time and cause serious problem. BTW, even if man came before women, and God had to create women sometime afterward (when realizing, in all His Glory that he forgot to make a way for these men to reproduce), not all of us were meant to be breeders. Presuming God made men and women, He also made monkeys, fish, bugs, etc. Right? And most of them reproduce guy and girl style, right? Well then, did you know that over 80 percent of all species show homosexual and bisexual behavior? I suppose they should also turn around and live a more healthy lifestyle fucking with the opposite sex.

Finally, are you telling me that it is impossible to have a happy life as a person in tune with my sexual as well as mental self? What exactly are these factors in my life that have lead to me "developing" gay feelings? Do you seem to think that maybe I'm afraid of women, have a bad relationship with my parents, or possibly some other environment problems? Well, I have none of that. I would like to know what these factors supposedly are.

A happy life does not come solely from a heterosexual partnership and having children. There are straight couples who have no children, some gay ones that do. Some straight people remain celibate, as well as some homosexual and bisexual people. For me, trying to live under a lie and suppress my true emotions and desires by masking a life with a woman is by NO means the definition of a "happy life."

Anyone, of any sexual orientation along the oh-so-grand spectrum of sexuality can live a HAPPY, HEALTHY LIFE, but only if they accept who they are and live according to their own feelings, not what others say they should feel and do. Once you get the bugs, lizards, and bonobo monkeys to turn 100 percent straight, then I'll reconsider your offer. Don't you know by now that before anything's tested on humans, it has to pass the animal tests? Go try it yourself.

So all I can say to you is that your message is dangerous and should not be taken seriously by anyone. You will only do more harm by sending this out to yet-uncertain kids, who are still trying to cope with the fact that they are indeed gay, lesbian, or bisexual. What we have done all our lives is repress our "gay" feelings to try to live as happy "heterosexuals," and it does not work.

Thank you, but I will not take your advice, and I hope you have not tried this on vulnerable youth out there. I know you probably thing you are doing good, but you should be ashamed of yourself.


Paul Sepuya

PS: Sydney is not the gay capitol of the world. Amsterdam is. Get your facts straight, not your sexuality)

So that's about it. As of yet, I haven't received a response. Maybe (hopefully) I got him to think about just what it was he was doing.

Now for all you wonderful lesbian, gay, bisexual, [and anything else] people, I want to tell you to NEVER EVER listen to people like those mentioned above. They may believe they're doing right, saving a few queer souls, or doing God's work, but see through their facade. All these people who try to "convert" you to a strictly heterosexual nature will do no more than cause great pain and conflict within yourself. Just because you may not be heterosexual does NOT mean that you cannot have a family. Your love and partner is your family. Your parents and relatives are your family. If you want children, get them, adopt them, make them (but don't kidnap them). Those will be your family. And right now, all of us Oasis readers are here to help you through anything. Just type a message to anyone here who you wish. We are your family.

Be normal, be who you are, at least to yourself. CK be, just be. And I think I'll live a healthy, homosexual life in my future.. with a husband whom I will love with all my heart, do something romantic with every night, and drink my Sustocal brand health drink. Peace, and take care!

Till next month, Paul S.

[About the Author]


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