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Fender Bender

February 1998

Well well, Ha Ha and hello to all you good people of the world out there, this is my first of many of my columns I would hope. Do you know what you have let yourself in for by clicking on my ugly face (well you can't see it now but in the next column it should be there) well probably not, but you will soon learn. The name which you see is not my real name but my nickname which in full is Fender Bender. I like it a lot more than my real name. The name is more of a joke than an insult kindly thought up by a friend who shall remain nameless.

Just a quick into to myself, I'm gay and you are the only people to know so far, so aren't you all lucky? I am very deeply in to art and music. I like all forms of skiing and cycling. I live in a small gathering of houses near a town called Aboyne where I go to Academy which is the Scottish equal to High School. The attitude there is very anti-gay so it makes my life very difficult because to come out would be dangerous.

Unlike all the lovely other columnists I'm from a more Eastern part of the world, Scotland to be exact where there seems to be one of three weather conditions always going. Rain, which we get the most of; hot weather, which always comes when I'm on holiday on the other side of Scotland where it's raining; and the best of all for me is the snow, which as I type is melting at the moment but I got two days off school because of it.

I thought I would start off the way I started off being gay, in other words my realization that I was not straight but much better than that I was GAY.

In a very hot hotel room in London on holiday in summer 1997, after a few years in denial, I finally realized that I was indeed very gay and I was only going to make myself unhappy by denying it any longer. I finally realized after a string of events.

I had successfully ditched my family (Mum, Dad and evil little brother) in a museum and after convincing mum that I could use the tube trains very easily. I made my way from one side of London to the centre the on the tubes. I noticed that the Tubes were full of what I guessed a gay couple would look like (In Scotland near Aberdeen such things don't exist in daylight) all going in to the centre, I decided to follow them because I knew that the Gay Pride Music Festival was on and I hoped they would lead me to it because I really wanted to see some of the bands. After a while we arrived at Trafalgar Square and they all went in to pubs and, being only 15, I couldn't follow so I wandered around the lovely expensive shops with very little money, thinking.

I decide that I needed some little presents to give the girls and my one good male friend back home so I went shopping. I was looking through the postcards of the British bands and in there was this picture of a guy butt naked in a park in London somewhere and I felt turned on by him which seemed strange to me because society had told me I was straight. Confused and tired I went to the hotel and lay down on the bed, put my CD players earphones in and let the sweet voice of Sharleen Speterie, who is the lead singer of Texas, soothe my racing mind. Then, like it was in a film, I sat up and simply said "I'm gay, well that explains a lot." It was like everything had fallen into place.

Alright, you can open your eyes now, it's over, all out of my system for now but just you wait until next month. I'll hope to see you all soon.

Please Please Please E-Mail me at "Findlay@sylvestris.softnet.co.uk" and tell me on a scale of one to terrible how my column was so I may improve.

Love to you all,

Fender Bender


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