Troy N. Diggs
January 15, 1998
"Finally, I figured it out, but it took a long long time,
Now there's a turnabout, maybe 'cause I'm trying..."
--- Sister Hazel, "All For You"
In the last month or so, I feel like I've made a nice little change in my life, and it's made me feel happier than I've felt in quite a while.
It all started a little after Christmas break began, and I began hanging out with one of my close friends more. With him, I'd always gotten the feeling that we could be more than just friends, but now, I've realized that our friendship is far too precious to let a relationship get in the way. My philosophy in life has always kind of been that relationships and friendships really don't coexist very well. Building a better friendship is part of the reason why I'm happier.
The other part is that for the first time in, God, years, I don't feel like a social outcast. It doesn't have anything to do with sexuality or anything like that; it has to do with self-image. Back when I was in high school, I never really got much respect, because I was always stereotyped as the class nerd. When I started college, I was seen as somebody with "problems"; that was the year that 1) I came out, and 2) my dad passed away. I took a semester off after that first year and worked on getting my life back in order, and now, I feel like all that reordering is finally paying off.
I don't think it's all come about a result of "personality restructuring"; I think it's come about because I've taken the time to figure out who the hell I am, and to be more open with myself and with others. For example, this time a year ago, you couldn't have dragged me to a gay nightclub and expected me to have fun; now, I'll go regularly, if for no other reason than to sing at Karaoke Night.
I finally figured out that there's only one person out of the 5 billion on this planet that I need to impress, and that's me, and now, it's showing in my classes, in my work, and in my social life. Consequently, that means not bowing down to kiss anybody's ass....... I think the reason I got to where I was before was because that was the norm; in my old high school, you kissed ass to get ahead in the social ranks, and in my freshman year of college, you kissed ass to get anywhere socially and academically. Now, I'm at a point in my life where I'm not needing to kiss up to anyone, and that independence is something that I lost, but am slowly regaining.
So, what's this all mean to you, the average Oasis reader? Take it as a self-improvement lesson that you didn't have to pay $39.95 off an infomercial for. There's only one you, and if you try to make it fit other people's images of you, you're going to lose who you really are. Screw the stereotypes. Take some time, figure out who the hell you are, and what you want, need, and desire for, and don't be afraid. You get one shot at this life. Make it a good one.