Patrick D.

February 1998

Hey, everyone! I apologize for not having a column for the month of January, but I was very lazy...er...BUSY -- and really had no time to write any decent material. Before I get started with my ramblings, I'd like to send out kudos to two other Oasis writers for their January columns. First, I'd like to give Paul Sepuya a big hug for standing up to established religion as the only route to happiness in life. His column dealt with a letter he received from a seemingly-nice individual who tried to convince him that a heterosexual life was the only way to go. If you have not read Paul's column from last month, you really should. His response is not only insightful, but hilarious, as well!

Secondly, I'd like to say that I agree with Aztec Yhessin and a number of anonymous others in suggesting that maybe our very own Ty may not be the real deal. Sure, I've enjoyed reading Ty's work from the beginning, but Aztec has a point... not everything about our buddy, Ty, seems to add up. It is almost like the gay 13 year-old fairy tale. Everything he writes about seems too good to be true. Maybe I'm just not giving Tyler enough credit, but I just can't help but wonder: Is this guy for real? Now, on with my column...

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Finding Love at the Java Joint

This is the month of love (supposedly). When hearts will flutter, lips will connect, and bodies will be penetrated. Candy sales and condom usage will be up... and single boys will be down. Depressed, even. What's a lonely boy to do close to Valentine's Day? All of those cute boys out there. None of them seem to be gay... None of them yours. Ah. It's hopeless. Or is it?

Some of the best places to hang out as a single gay teenager are coffee shops. Many of you already know this. And many of you don't. That's what Oasis is here for. So go by yourself, or take some friends! Explore the world of java. Who knows? You just may find Mr. Right... or at least a date!

Go in to a Java Joint... quickly scout the place out... if the place doesn't feel right (such as: all they serve is black coffee and the clientele are all over 40) then get out. Pronto. Now, if the place is comfy, with just the right amount of smoke in the air mixed with the aroma of Arabica, and topped off with a nice assortment of cute boys and girls (and I don't mean of the preppy variety, either), then head for the counter. Order yourself anything with "Mocha" in the title. You can't go wrong with chocolate! Now... find a couch with lots of cool alternatively-themed newspapers (NOT the Sunday Times) and plunk your cute little butt down on it. The more people nearby, the better.

Now... pretend to be interested in the article about the groovy local band playing this weekend, or perhaps the one about Monica Lewinsky's ten favorite things to do in bed with top-ranking governmental officials. While you're doing this, scope the room. You sip your mochaccino and spot him. He's talking to another guy and two girls just across the table. Your pulse quickens. A good sign. You look up at him while making sure you don't do something stupid like spill your coffee. He may be talking to others... but he will eventually become aware of you. He may glance over at you for a second. Don't keep staring! What are you, some freak? Go back to your paper! Jeez!

...Well, from here, I can't predict how things may go at the Java Joint. You may wind up joining in on the conversation and could meet some new friends. The boy of your dreams may, indeed, be gay, but already have a boyfriend of his own. He might even be straight, but that's a chance you'll have to take. Then again, he may be gay. And single. And interested in you.

What do you do? Exchange numbers. Then go home and call him (NOT the second you get home, either). Don't be a wuss. Talk about random neutral stuff. Like school. Classes. And: "Hey, do you want to hang out sometime?" That should become a "yes". Then go out. Go eat. Go to a movie. A concert. A mall. A home-and-garden show (I'm kidding). Do neutral stuff. Actually make it a normal date... not the I-really-want-to-get-into-your-pants kind of date. Remember, this column isn't about getting laid, it's about finding love. Find out what he likes to do. Sports? Acting? Music? Gaming? Then talk. And talk some more. Listen to him. Be honest about yourself. Tell him you like him... that you'd like to go out again. Then wrap up your date with a kiss. That's all. No groping. Behave yourself. You'll have something more to look forward to if you do!

If things go well, you'll go out on a second date. Then a third. If not, there are still other guys out there. If he does turn out to be pretty kewl, then you've done well! Just remember, if a date should ever turn sexual, be careful! Teens can be as HIV-positive as anyone else! I don't care what any of your friends might say. Use the damn condom... or don't fuck at all. It's that simple. Okay, I'm done preaching.

Love is not sex. If you're really looking for a boyfriend, the sex won't be that important. You should want someone you can care about that cares about you, too. If that happens, then neither of you will feel the need to cheat on the other person. If you're just out to get laid the second you meet someone, you can expect to get hurt a lot more often. Purely sexual relationships can be fun on the short term, but can lead to depression in the long run. And you'll probably get labled as a slut on top of that. Nope. That just ain't a pretty picture. Love is soooo much better than pure lust. I'd rather be in love on Valentine's Day than out looking to score.

So, take a deep breath and head down to that Java Joint. Your future boyfriend is there waiting for you.

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