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James Wilde

February 1998

Hi people!

First of all, sorry I didn't put in a January article but Xmas was a very busy time for me as I work in a pub/restaurant and Xmas is VERY busy, so I was very busy.

But now I have to say something and I'm not good at that. OK, since this is a gay (I use this term to encapsulate all the stuff like gay bi etc., but I can't be bothered to write it each time, OK?) magazine mainly, I will write about being gay I suppose. I sort of realized that I was gay around the age of 14, I think it was, when the puberty thing happened. It was a bit, well, not wanted really. I mean adolescence has enough to deal with without sexuality issues, basically I got a bit depressed. I ended up taking lustral (U.S.: read Zoloft) pills. Having suicidal impulses, and basically having pills from the doctor just gives you something to overdose on. If you ever consider it, I can say it's not a nice experience. Seriously if anyone does feel down please email me (jimlad@earthling.net) and I'm always happy to talk, I have been there I know it's hard.

OK my life: I kissed a boy! In front of many people, EVEN WORSE. I was pissed at the time, but it just felt so right, so complete in my life. I just didn't care what other people think. That's good, I have read a book which is sort of by Richard Feynnman(sic) who did the particle diagrams, a great man taken too early, called "what do you care what other people think", and if you ever feel out of place just think of that statement. My advice is life's to short to worry about what other people think. Carpe Diem.

That's Latin for "Seize the day."

I got B in GCSE Latin.

I've got a bit of a problem though now, I've met someone on the net who I really like and we've met in person a few times. He's from Manchester, too, and I think I've fallen in love, how do I tell him without it sounding like, "you are the only gay person I know please have sex with me?" I mean, sex is a peripheral issue to me, love is more important and just thinking about him makes me feel weird. (PS: this is not the boy I kissed, that was someone I'll probably never see again.)

This is someone I really care about. Answers on a postcard to jimlad@earthling.net or <a href =mailto:jameswilde@netmaster.force9.net </a> (I bet the HTML tag didn't work); I'll bid you adieu with one last bit from a song "make your own kind of music, sing our own special song"

live forever

Jim


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