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Emily

March 1998

Can We Live Through February?

[Apparently not; due to e-mail problems I didn't get this resubmitted in time for last month's column. Just pretend it's still February and bear with me, I'm too busy to rewrite much. Also if you've emailed me recently, please re-send because they're gone. Note the different e-mail address of cuendillar@usa.net. Thanks. -E]

"I threw your keys in the water, I looked back,
They'd frozen halfway down in the ice.
They froze up so quickly, the keys and their owners,
Even after the anger, it all turned silent, and
The everyday turned solitary,
So we came to February."

--"February", Dar Williams

Look at me...lyric quotes! Because that's never been done before in this magazine, right? Can you sense my sarcasm? And I've babbled about whether I'm bisexual and what to call gays and all that sort of stuff in my other columns but maybe this time I'll make a little more sense. Who knows?

Things have gone somewhat downhill for me since I last wrote and have improved in others. The bad news first. I got a job (and what need is there for me to go into my whole life's history, but suffice it say that I wasn't working while going to school...and then since I quit going to school I needed a job). That wasn't the bad part. In fact, it was a pretty good job. I walked there, they paid me more than minimum wage, and I didn't have to sling french fries or lift 50 lb boxes over my head. But then I didn't have a job anymore. The manager spoke of downsizing and transfers...transferring out of my area and for less money. Which basically spelled n-o j-o-b. So I'm filling out applications and watching my standards sink lower along with my supply of money. I got sick too, but I'll spare you the details of that (you're welcome).

The good stuff. I got a cat. I'm convinced that they're the most wonderful pets in the world and I adore mine. I don't dress him like a baby and buy him expensive toys, but he does sleep on my pillow. Let's see, what else...oh yes. I know I complained about the lack of good answers to my ads. Finally someone wrote me that seems interesting, doesn't immediately want to jump into bed or have me call her, and is not that far away. I'll keep you posted on what happens. Finally, I've come to the conclusion that I am bisexual. Bi-curious seems wimpy to me now. Instead I'd rather think that heterosexuality is too narrow of a sphere in which to think about life.

Well, that big holiday of luuuurve is coming up this month. The holiday that can bite if you're alone and can be nice if you're not. But I'm sure you don't need me to go on and on about how wonderful Valentine's Day can be. Instead, I thought that I'd share with you someone else's view of Valentine's Day.

This was written by someone that I used to know:

Tomorrow is one of the most disgusting holidays in the American Civil Religion calendar: Valentine's Day. About the only good things that usually result from Valentine's Day, hereafter referred to as VD, are that I usually get some bread from my grandmother, and that this year Mom sent me a package -- at least, I think it was Mom. Other than that, I have absolutely no use for the commercial, sappy, insipid and utterly misleading sentimentality of this holiday. It's almost and possibly worse than Christmas. Love isn't like that at all. Love is an awesome power, a true unified force, not something that has anything to do with sugar-candies or little sticky things that don't even LOOK like hearts. The only thing that resides in the heart is blood, and if you ever broke your heart -- which you can't do cause there're no bones in it -- you'd bleed to death in a matter of minutes. So there.

Questions? Comments? Just want to babble? Direct it to cuendillar@usa.net.


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