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John

March 1998

Well this is John again. How's life? Mine anyway...has been very emotionally stressful. My sister knows about me, which is a very confusing story which I think I'll share. For future reference...my sister is one year older.

I used to write my Oasis articles in a notebook before I typed them up. I thought I hid it well. Under my dresser. (Now I just type it straight) Apparently she had found it. She never mentioned anything to me, so I didn't know for about a week.

But, just as she looked at my stuff, I also looked at hers (Don't think I'm really nosy.) She had been in the process of writing in her diary and left the room and I walked in and...well...saw it. I read a page and then turned back a while and read. Sure enough, she had written a short message saying, Today, I read a letter in my brother's room saying that he is gay.

I was shocked. First, because she had sort of looked through my stuff, and the obvious reason, that it was really no longer a secret.

She didn't know that I knew. So it was confusing. I tried to act as straight as I could, but she didn't even act like she knew. But, one day she asked me to do something and I said no. She in return said, "I'll tell your secret if you don't."

I turned and went to my room. In my room, I just sat there wondering what kind of person she was and the fact that I started to hate her. I decided that there was no way I could personally confront her with it so I wrote her a letter saying that I knew she knew. I wrote that I hated her, and wouldn't care if I never talked to her again. I set it on her bed.

An hour later, a letter was slipped under my door. It read that she was sorry and she never would leave me alone again like that. She wrote that I could talk to whenever I wanted to.

I was shocked that she understood me so much. I never mentioned it for three weeks. Eventually we struck up a conversation about our futures. She started talking about marriage and stuff and then all of the sudden stopped when she realized who she was talking to. She asked me what I was looking forward to. I said there's pretty much nothing I ever look forward to....my life almost seems pointless. (It doesn't seem like it....but it was a pretty dramatic moment at the time)

I went in and took a shower. When I got out and looked into the living room and saw my sister looking at a picture book of when we were kids and she was crying. At that moment I turned and walked to my room and started to cry also. I never really felt as close to my sister as I did at that moment.

Well bye,

John.

You people can reach me at trainvn23@hotmail.com


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