March 1998

A World Of Fantasy

For a long time I've suspected that gays live in a world far removed from the rest of society, after all we have our own language, style and culture. Our own political platforms and activists. AIDS is a huge gay issue, although ultimately it affects us all. We have our own little camps, the straight-acting gays, the flamers, and those who fall somewhere in between. It's no longer good enough to just say you're gay, you almost have to identify which group you belong to. We even have ad campaigns to cater to our "needs."

What if you happen to be somebody that doesn't care to be a part of all of this, one that just wants to say, "Yes I'm gay but that's not the only thing I am!"? Well, you'll be in for a cold reception from your peers!

In my neck of the woods, the conservative midwest, it seems like the attitude among the gays is you better flaunt it or you're not one of us. Sometimes I find this attitude to be an embarrassment, like when I see a openly gay co-worker exaggerate his rear end movements, or when some of the known gay customers that walk around with an expression akin to someone that just bit into a lemon and speak extra loud so that all can hear their (phony?) lisps.

On occasion I wonder what the point of all of this is, especially when they surely know it will draw negative attention to themselves. Maybe that's the idea, but I sure would prefer positive over negative attention. Their flippant attitude may briefly serve their desire for attention, but as I have observed among my heterosexual peers, it also erodes the positive strides gays have made in gaining acceptance by the straight world.

I act like an average guy, I can't say that I have any real obvious feminine traits, but I still know I'm a gay bisexual. I blend well into the woodwork, so to speak, and most people don't suspect a thing. It is with my true identity concealed that I am free to observe the behavior of openly gay people, and sometimes I just don't understand it. I can accept that some people act that way naturally, but when you know that someone's putting on a act it makes it all that much harder for me to deal with.

Many gays, young men in particular, are obsessed with having a perfect body, to the point of practically living in a gym and spending large percentages of their income on bodybuilding supplements, and in some cases, steroids -- which incidentally are placed in the same category as illegal drugs in the eyes of the law. Not to mention that a large percentage of steroids on the black market are counterfeit, but that doesn't matter when you're working towards a "perfect" body does it?

Don't get me wrong, I like looking at guys with nice well developed bodies, but I'm also attracted to ones that have less-than-perfect physiques -- especially guys that are slightly chubby. I don't understand why, but something about a guy like that excites me, although I'm not interested in so-called "bears". If I see a slightly chubby guy I get lost in passionate thoughts. . . chances are that's the type I'll have as a boyfriend, whenever I get one.

Try finding a picture of a guy like this in a gay magazine, much less on the Internet. . . all I can say is good luck! The gay culture probably does everything possible to make these guys "invisible", and I'm sure they are given the cold shoulder in the clubs too. As the rate of obesity continues to rise, especially among kids, how are they going to be treated by the gay culture? Oh, you have a 36-inch-waist. . . get lost! It wouldn't shock me. As a kid I was rather obese, and I still haven't gotten over the way I was treated because of that, so I have a lot of compassion for people going through the same thing.

Before I close I'd like to thank all of those who wrote to me this past month, and I appreciate all the positive comments about my relationship with fellow columnist Ty. All I can say is that I'm very proud to be his friend.


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