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Jane Wan

March 1998

Friendship

This article is dedicated to a reader who responded to my contribution featured in January. I am really glad that she wrote to me and became a friend of mine. Although we've only known each other for a short period of time, I just want to let her know that her friendship is very much cherished.

I was really thrilled when I saw my article online in January. It has been a painful experience for the past 2 months after having lost someone I love. Well I guess it is time for me to come to terms with it and to get on with life. I remembered that my emotions were the rulers of the day and I ended up writing pages but it is certainly a good way to disclose my true feelings at that point in time. Honestly it took me quite a while to gather my thoughts together and get them on the paper. Up until today, I have not heard much from my ex-girlfriend except for a couple of emails she sent me but they are rather brief in content. I guess I know by now why that is the case... .

The anguish is still there as I run through the scenes in my head. I choose not to pick up a copy of my article to read it for fear that I might end up in tears again. But nevertheless, I am glad that I shared this experience with other people. The pain has lessened somehow... thanks to a reader who wrote to me after reading my article. Besides the comforting words in her email, I have a good feeling that a new friendship was born.

This email comes as a surprise to me -- it may be written in simple comforting words but it carries with it a tone that is special and it is something I can easily identify with. I am not really able to describe in words what my feelings are but my intuitions tell me that a nice friendship is coming my way this new year. Perhaps it is a late gift from Santa Claus too.

From what I have gathered from her emails, I can tell that she is a sensitive, caring and (possibly) a very emotional individual. I hope I am accurate in my assessment of her personality. I do not wish to make a mistake about this because she is probably reading this article too.

She mentioned in her email that she looked forward to reading future articles written by me. Initially, I have actually wanted to make contributions on a bi-monthly basis due to my busy schedule ahead. But I changed my mind and decided to write something about this newborn friendship that I have with her.

She gives me the impression that she is a reliable and trustworthy person. I am sure that she will be there for a friend if he or she ever comes home from a storm. Although our friendship is still very much "under construction" so to speak, it could possibly be one of the most beautiful friendships I will ever have. I am willing to wait patiently for things to develop and to gain a better understanding of her.

The way she pens her words seems to be telling me that she shares the pain I am going through and that I need not be alone to fight the feelings inside me because there is someone like her around. I am glad that she did write to me at the moment when I needed comfort most.

I do not have many friends here and I suppose I do not really mind because I am used to doing things alone and spend a lot of time alone. But somehow, her emails and the comforting words accompanying them, send me a signal that having a friendship (for keeps) is something that I should look forward to and work hard for no matter what it takes. My newly born friendship with her tells me just how important human contact (and communications) is. Although I have never seen her before, I believe that we have established the essential fundamentals for a friendship.

Quite recently, I was really down and under the weather. I am not a frequent visitor of the doctor, but I suppose that the stress I was going through for the past 2 months finally got to me and there is no running away from it this time. I fell sick for a few days eventually. I remembered that all I can do at home is nothing but TV and surfing on the Internet.

As usual, I was on the Net checking for emails and I found that she has sent me two virtual cards and an email (as she usually does on a daily basis). I was really surprised -- and at the same time comforted -- to know that someone out there still cares. I suppose the cards came at the right time in a situation like this. The important thing is that she strikes me as a caring person; and such a personality trait is difficult to find among the friends I know. Honestly, I really do appreciate the amount of time and efforts that she made on getting me the cards and typing me the email. That certainly touched me in a special way that I will never forget.

Although I could have written to her to share these thoughts as I have expressed in this article, I suppose I still do have this "inner" shyness inside me. I guess it has been a part of me. I find it a difficult task to express my feelings directly to her. Somehow I will use indirect methods to get my messages across to the recipient. I guess that's just me. But come to think of it, it is not a bad thing to share it with other readers and also to let her know just how proud I am to have known her and be her friend.

I do not see her as just another reader of my past experience. Rather, I see her as a good friend and an advisor to me in the near future. Something about her tells me that she will always be there for me should I suffer another setback again. Likewise, I hope to be there for her if she ever needs it one day.

Up until today, she is still my "faceless friend." I have never met her before, have no idea what her smile or sigh looks like. She once told me that she did imagine what it would be like to stand beside me if we ever meet (we are almost the same height).Well, I think it is going to look so cute. (Someday, I hope I will be able to see her in real person though.)

I guess this is what the virtual world is all about -- you do not know who you are conversing with (that will always be a pity!) But it is also a place for a possible friendship to be established as long as people try to make efforts to know one another. I cannot help but to give credit to the net although it is associated with problems too. It is only a wonderful world if people make it to be.

I have never imagined what it would be like to lose her one day. It would certainly not be her that I would say goodbye to. Rather, it is the character and personality of mine that I become when I am with her. Having her as a friend is good in the sense that my character is up for the challenge. It might even be a change for the better.

She makes me realize that there is still someone out there whom I can stretch out my hand to hold when I am feeling down or out. I have always harbored the thought that life has been cruel because my loved ones are always too far away or have gone out of my life; and they are never within my reach. Well, it is not too late for me to realize that this is untrue...

All I can say for now is that I feel happy and blessed to have her as a friend. Although our friendship is very much in its infancy, I am waiting patiently for the day when she will become my soul-mate and confidant. I hope that day will not be long from now...

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To Her: Your friendship represents hope for me. Thank you so much!


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