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James

April 1998

Well, another month has gone by, and I find that this time I actually have something to say! Now on with the show:

First off, a few people seemed to think (because of my last article) that I see guys with blond hair and blue eyes as perfection, like I'm some Nazi propaganda officer. However, this isn't the case. While I do find those features attractive, I am quite open as far as physical appearance. No matter the race, creed, color or religion, I find personality makes or breaks you. Actually, I'm rather open about that too. If you're not a complete asshole you're probably okay by me. Nuff' said about that.

Unsolicited plug...

As part of the coming out process I began to read various publications about gay life and culture. However, I'm a hopelessly romantic guy and I always imagined I would eventually find a man to spend the rest of my life with. Thus, I quickly became frustrated with most gay magazines which talk about nothing but random hook-ups, circuit parties and how not to get deadly or disgusting diseases from being promiscuous (call me silly, but not being promiscuous would fix that...).

So, after reading Jeff's inquiry about someone to write a story on Sam Francis, editor of Arrow Magazine (a magazine focused on more positive aspects of gay life, like monogamy), I decided to check it out. I read the Mission Statement, the Editor's Letter and looked over the magazine for about an hour. Needless to say (otherwise I wouldn't be writing this) I was impressed, and have gone back for more. If you are not into random sex and shallow relationships (my mother would be so proud) give it a look.

It's not geared toward 'youth' per-se, but there are enough people who read Oasis that are twenties and up that I thought I'd mention it. Arrow can be found at <http://www.arrowmag.com>. Tell 'em I sent you (as if they'd know who I was...).

Shockers...

Something rather major happened shortly after I submitted the last column. I have known Frizzy (fake name, it's an inside joke) for about two and a half years. A year ago she was the first straight person that I revealed my homosexuality to. Then one night, in mid-February, she appeared to be extremely upset. After ten minutes of trying to convince her to tell me what was wrong, she broke down and gave me a letter in which she said that she has fallen in love with me. Completely.

Needless to say, I was shocked. My first thought was "But I'm gay! You can't be in love with me." (I didn't say that, thank heavens.) She has known I am gay for just at a year, but apparently this happened without her being able to do anything about it.

I have nothing but sympathy for her (just read last month's article...), but I'm having trouble dealing with it. I try not to treat her differently, but I still feel that this has put a strain on our friendship. I don't see why it should affect us, but she is one of the people I tell about guys I like etc., and that seems to be sort of awkward now. That, and I don't want to upset her any more than she already is because she already has an extremely tough semester.

Life is so cruelly and painfully ironic. Just over a year ago I was literally praying that a woman would fall in love with me so I would be able to focus on something other than my homosexuality. Now I have a woman who says she can't stop thinking about me, but I'm so comfortable with who I am that she can't possibly have me. This sucks.

Randomness...

Christopher Lowell. Is this guy becoming a gay idol or something? I swear, everyone knows who he is, either by name, or as "that gay guy on the Discovery Channel". You know who I'm talking about. Mr. Lowell is the host of an interior design show called Interior Motives.

I really have no idea if he is gay or not, but he's not the most straight acting guy in the world. On the "behavior" scale he ranks as an 8.5. (The behavior scale is something I created to best communicate a person's outward behavior. On this scale, 1 is like "Bob Dole", 10 is "Holy Queen Batman!")

Anyway, I don't know if it's the size of the community here, or if the people I hang around are just weird (a distinct possibility). Nevertheless, I hardly know a soul who hasn't seen the show. Personally, I think he overdoes things sometimes, but I know as much about color schemes and decorating as a cluster of colorblind hedgehogs (thanks BlackAdder!).

So, I was just wondering if anyone else was experiencing this "Christopher Lowell" phenomenon.

Okay, that was terribly long and rambling. My apologies.

Until I strike again... James - - - - "Comments? Questions? Words of wisdom?" E-mail me at <jsammons@wlu.edu>

(The above quote comes from Betti MacDonald, my 10th grade history teacher and one of the most wise and kind people in the world. I love ya'! -James)


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