Miguel Solana

April 1998

So this year is going with many new experiences, I'm so proud of, starting with some gloomy days, to the bliss of the following ones. Life shows we can learn, we can fight, we can cheer up others, we always discover new things about us, and that is what is making me happy. Starting this time with happiness, maybe I used to think this feeling was something I had to achieve in the future, and the life itself showed me we can be happy every day. It is not impossible, it is as possible as waking up every day and what makes us good, that is grounding the feeling of our happiness. Most of the times I tended to idealized this, making no good to me. I had to realize that doing whatever that doesn't harm, and keeps me with a smile in my face, leads me to happiness; and now I'm happy that making me happy is not that hard, simple and plain thing fulfill me better than anything else.

I couldn't write to Oasis this latest months, but they have been full of new things, adventures, emotions, thoughts, I had never had before. One of the thoughts that have been in my mind lately, is how I want to place myself in the future as man, as complete and full potential human being, it's hard -- at least for me -- to start the description of this, it involves what I am in every aspect, from my intelligence, to my abilities, to my feelings and instincts.

The first thing I'd go for with all my wills is: love, is what we are made for at all, it's the fuel of life, but at the same time the hardest thing to achieve. On love paths commitment for me is very important, that is what makes a relationship last and be full of positive emotions, as the Greek term "agape" means: real and full state of love, I want to go for that -- actually I'm going for that as a matter of fact --, it is hard to get it but it is worth every penny; of course as a human being I can't forget my instinct, my nature, what makes me gay -- not labeling what I am but giving my attraction to men a name. That gives the physical part of me a sense for being, to act and develop with another man I love. So in no intellectual facts, that's what I want to get to, the rest will be developed as time passes and as intellect discovers its own paths, this is as important as the rest, and will also find the way to be filled. Going to university and then working on what I like -- that is being another very important issue going on my right now, but not to talk about now.

So that's it for this month, I promise writing something larger next month.


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