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Tim

April 1998

Greetings my readers,

One would think that being young and gay in a homophobic society would pose enough problems without needing any further complications. Have any of you had this downright embarrassing situation occur?

Let's say you're currently weathering the longest sexual drought since you can remember (not counting that time from birth up to the time you first did the scandalous deed), and you're not seeing any end in sight. Then as you meander about your business that day, you happen to meet this guy, and the chemistry is hot. White-hot. Like a runaway train, the two of you plunge headlong into the night, fully knowing what's going to happen that night. The small talk has been done, the appropriate room has been located, and privacy secured. The ship is all built, and all she needs to do is now steam out of the harbor.

Then your decision to partake in that nutritionally-poor breakfast and lunch rears its ugly head. You realize with ever growing horror that, as you make up excuses to go to the bathroom every ten minutes, that you, my man, have a big problem.

The question leans forward in your face and asks, "Now that you're well on your way up shit creek, what do you do? Tell the guy to take a hike? Tell him the truth? Go ahead, and pray a lot that nothing embarrassing happens?" None of them sound very appealing.

Moral of the story: eat well for you never know what the day might bring you.

Makes me think of one of those parody commercials that SNL ran one evening. It featured this mother happily cooking something at home, and her son arrives from school (presumably) and asks Mom what's she making. She says she's making dinner with this new oil substitute. She proudly picks up the container and explains that this is a new and improved product and then she says as big blue/white letters flash on the bottom of the screen, "10% less anal leakage."

Now, before you point at the screen, shake your head, and mutter to yourself that I'm suffering from some sort of Freudian anal fixation, I'll jump to another subject.

I'd like to run on a bit about the apparent (and widening?) gap between the younger gay people and older gay people. While a generation gap is normal and would be expected, as an gay male who's exited his teens and is being dragged kicking and screaming into the 20s, there's a interesting change of perspective happening here for me. I'm feeling more and more the subject of the hatred and paranoia that teen gays have towards older gay people. Its truly frightening for me, for I was all to happy to spread the hate when I was younger. I'd give any older guy who happens to glance at me the evil eye. Now that I find myself looking at some young 17-year-old guy, and, hmm, what would the word be, 'appreciating' him? I wonder what he thinks. That I'm some kind of lecherous monster who wants to beat him silly and rape him? I now start to find myself understanding those older gay people more. I've met a few and they have good intentions. There ARE people that lurk the channels and look for young people to seduce, but I believe that a majority of them are not like those "perverts."

I'd like to hear you opinions on this. Experiences and stuff? Write me, or better yet, write an column for it in Oasis.

I leave you with this phrase from a Marilyn Manson song.

"This is your world in which we grow, and we will grow to hate you."

Tim, 23, deaf gay college student. Hacking his way through 4th year of college. Ambitions in life is to become filthy rich with the least effort. Married to his CJ-7. Calls it "bitch" when it doesn't work, and "baby" when it does. He can be contacted at <timster@clark.net>


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