April 1998

Trevor and all other names in this column are fictitious.

I've never done anything like this before in my life so I hope it doesn't totally suck, and if it does no one can say I didn't at least try! ! ! !

Before I get started I need to thank Ty for giving me the encouragement to write this, before I read your March column I didn't think anyone would care about what a twelve year old would have to say, but now I realize that maybe everyone needs to hear what a guy my age has to say?

Gawd, where do I begin?

Well, I guess I should fill you all in on some things about me? I just turned twelve and am a sixth grader, I'm about 5'8", skinny, and have blue eyes and blonde hair that's usually buzzed. I used to be really fat, but I'll talk about that later; it's a long story.

Three years ago my mom and I were in a really bad car accident, and I've never been able to forget how she screamed in agony and called for God to help her before she died right in front of me. Screams followed by silence. My only injury was a broken leg, which sometimes bothers me if it's raining, but that changed my life.

I was totally bummed out by everything that had happened, and since I couldn't play any sports -- which had been my life until then -- I started to eat. A lot. By the time I was ten I was over a hundred and twenty pounds, and on my tenth birthday I was over a hundred and fifty, and I just kept getting fatter. I didn't play any kind of sport anymore because I was so out of shape, and I'd even get winded going up the steps to my bedroom. I didn't really care so I just kept eating and sitting in front of the TV, eating one of those HUGE bags of Doritos as a snack.

In fourth grade I started to get picked on in school for the first time because I was the fattest kid in my grade, and everyone noticed me. I was getting straight A's in school but I was bored and I started becoming a class clown. I also kept on eating a lot and got even fatter 

Fifth grade was a lot better for me in many ways, but things also became worse. My classes were more interesting and I was still getting all A's, but I got picked on even more, and gym just totally sucked! As I grew fatter I grew boobs like a girl, and after the first time we played shirts 'n' skins basketball, everyone knew me as Boobs or Tits, and whenever I felt bad (all the time) I'd just eat more bags of Doritos. By the end of the year I weighed 175 and buying clothes was next to impossible.

That summer my dad was offered a chance to teach overseas, and he didn't think it would be a good idea for me to be over there because I'd be on my own a lot, so he gave me a choice of going to summer camp, or staying with my grandparents and getting a nice mountain bike. I didn't think I'd have a good time at summer camp, so I ended up with my grandparents and the bike. It ended up being the best decision I've ever made!

My grandparents live on a farm in Pennsylvania, and when I first got there I was totally lost. I'd never really spent much time with them before so I felt like a total stranger, and the lived out in the boondocks. They wouldn't let me eat Doritos, but at least they had cable!

My grandparents were a bit strange, all they ate was meat and vegetables, but they were really skinny and I remember my grandma telling me that by the end of the summer I'd be skinny like them. I thought she was crazy, but I didn't dare tell her that.

On the second day I was there I met my cousin PJ who was about my age and was almost as fat as me, and I had a new friend. He lived a few miles from my grandparent's house so I had to ride my bike to go over there, and after a few days I noticed that my shorts were a little bit looser. For the first time in my life I was actually losing weight, and I also noticed that I felt better too!

One day PJ came over and asked me if I wanted to go on a bike ride with him, and we went off on this long bike ride, over all kinds of hills and trails and ended up at this pond that was deep in the woods. He asked me if I wanted to go swimming, and I almost didn't because I was so embarrassed about my boobs. Besides, I didn't have my swim trunks with me. When I told him that he laughed and asked me if I'd ever gone skinny dipping before, and I told him no, and he just stripped and was waiting for me to undress to go in the water. I felt OK after that because he had boobs like me too, but I kept looking at his privates and I had this funny feeling in my stomach after that. When I had my clothes off my penis was hard, something that only happened when I woke up in the morning, and he yelled "you got wood! " and jumped in the water. We had a great time swimming and after we were done we just stretched out on our clothes by the side of the pond and soaked in the sun, and as I was there laying on my back I couldn't stop looking at his wiener.

That night as I lay in bed I started thinking about what had happened at the pond and my penis got hard again, and it freaked me out because I really didn't know what was going on. I had had sex education in school, but they never told us anything about getting hard thinking about other guy's penises. That made me feel weird but at the same time I liked thinking about it. That was the first time I had some idea I might be gay.

P.J. and I spent as much time together as we could, and we were doing all kinds of fun stuff like biking, swimming, and even seeing how far we could carry big rocks! It seemed like my shorts kept getting looser and looser, and I noticed that my boobs were also getting smaller. I started running around without a shirt on, and I didn't feel as embarrassed as I did before about how I looked. I also felt so much better than before, and I had more energy than I knew what to do with.

I kept having lots of thought about his naked body, and one rainy afternoon when I was over at PJ's I had my first experience with another guy. We were sitting in the basement watching TV and he asked me if me if I ever whacked off, and I actually had no idea what he was talking about, and he asked me if I wanted him to show me how to do it. I said okay, and he stood in front of me and pulled his shorts down to his ankles and started rubbing it. It was the first time that I had ever seen another guys privates so close up and it made me so excited that I pulled mine down and started doing the same thing. After a while it started feeling really good and then I had this incredible feeling go through my body and I had to stop. When PJ was done he sat down next to me and put his arm around me, and then he kissed me on my lips and asked how that felt.

It was such a funny feeling to be kissed by another guy, but something about that made me get excited again and we stood up and kept kissing and hugging, and then PJ stood on his knees in front and he pulled my shorts and put my penis in his mouth -- I almost fell over from how good it felt! I felt weird putting his in my mouth, I thought it was going to taste gross but actually it was just like putting my finger in my mouth.

After that PJ and I spent a lot of time together doing that, and we would always do it right before we went swimming, and after we swam we would rub each other's bodies and kiss while we dried off, and it just felt so good doing that with him.

For the rest of the summer PJ and I kept doing stuff together and we became like boyfriend and girlfriend, except we were both guys. We were sneaking each other kisses and saying I love you to each other all the time. It was just the greatest feeling to love someone so much!

Right before the summer ended I had to go back home to get ready for school to start again, and on the last night there PJ and I tried butt stuff for the first time, it was just so intense doing that with him. That's probably when I knew I was totally into other guys for the first time.

Saying goodbye to my grandparents, and especially PJ, at the airport terminal was so hard to do, and as soon as I was on the plane I started crying. I didn't know what I was going to do without having him around me, but we took a lot of pictures so at least I had a that to look at.

When I arrived at the airport I didn't see my dad and after sitting around for a while I went into the restroom, and for the first time I got a good look at myself in the mirror. . . I was skinny! ! ! I couldn't believe how much weight I had lost and how different and much better I looked! I went back out to the waiting area and my dad walked right past me, stopped, and then turned around and just looked at me before he said my name. I looked so different that my own dad didn't recognize me! ! ! He picked me up and hugged me for a while and when he told me how much I'd grown over the summer, it hit me that I was taller, I'd just never noticed it.

One of the first things we did after we got home and unpacked was to go shopping for new school clothes, and when I looked at myself in the mirror in the changing rooms I saw myself as attractive for the first time in my life.

That's when everything changed for me.

To Be Continued. . .


P. S. Next month I'll talk about some of the things that happened to me before I started sixth grade, and how that changed me. What I'll be writing is too long to be in one column so I have to continue next month.

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