As some of you may have noticed with my column last month, I have decided to make a drastic change in my columns regarding their topics. I feel a need to discuss subjects other than my sexual activity, and now that I know that people younger than me are reading my columns, I have a responsibility to them to show that there is more to being gay or bisexual than just sex.
During the past month I've fallen on black days, and they just seem to be growing darker each day, with no end in sight. Don't worry, I'm not about to kill myself but sometimes I feel like I'm hanging on by a narrow thread.
Probably the biggest change with me lately is that I've been suffering from a severe case of insomnia for the past month, and there seems to be no sign of it letting up. While my family's sound asleep, I sit up all night and either do my homework, surf the Internet, or read, but nothing seems to help me sleep. I usually fall asleep around 5 p.m. and then wake up right after midnight, so at least I'm getting some sleep. I even tried drinking some espresso right after school to try and keep me awake for the rest of the evening so I could try to get back on my normal sleep pattern, but I'd just fall asleep anyway. Now I've developed a taste for coffee and I have to admit it's pretty good once you get used to it.
My parents took me to my doctor and a bunch of tests were run, but we were told that there's no signs of anything wrong with me, and the doctor won't prescribe sleeping pills because I'm too young, and warned my parents against giving me over-the-counter melatonin, the hormone that enables sleep. Great, I get to suffer. My parents are making arrangements to have me see a specialist, so hopefully this problem will clear up soon!
My insomnia is affecting just about everything in my life, and it's a huge strain on me. Eric and Anna are being totally cool about it, and there's been a number of times when I've fallen asleep at Eric's. His Mom just calls my parents and lets them know I'm okay, but it's actually nice to wake up in bed with him. . . unfortunately he's usually sound asleep by then. Anna's parents won't let me do that, but they don't get mad if I fall asleep at her house, they just bring me home.
Lately something occurred that felt like a kick in the crotch. Anna and I had planned on going to her school's Valentine Day dance as a way of introducing me to her friends and classmates as her boyfriend, and as a chance for me to be around my former classmates. She spoke with the activities advisor to get permission for me to attend since I'm not a student at her school, and there was no problem with me attending.
That is, until I showed up with Anna at the dance, when suddenly there was a problem. We were met at the door by the principal who casually told Anna that she would be welcome to attend, but that I "didn't belong there" and would have to leave at once. When Anna told him that she had prior permission for me to attend she was greeted with a threat of detentions and told "my decision is final !". He made me feel like a total arse. Just imagine, me wanting to go with my girlfriend to a dance at my former school. . . what was I thinking?
We walked to Anna's house feeling angry and dejected, and when we told her parents what had happened her Mom suggested that we have our own dance, right in the living room. Anna and I thought she was crazy, but when she lit a few candles, dimmed the lights, and put on the stereo we saw what a cool idea that was. I think we had a better time in her living room that we would have had in the gym, but then again we'll never know for sure, will we?
The first thing in the morning on the following Monday, Anna was called into the principal's office and told by him that there was a misunderstanding over school policy concerning students from outside schools attending extracurricular activities, so he was going to reimburse her for the cost of both tickets, but if she ever tried that again she would face disciplinary action.
The money lost on the tickets wasn't that big of a deal, however what was a big deal was the fact that I, a former student, was treated like a second-class citizen instead of as a guest attending the dance with his girlfriend. That would be like attending a road game for your school's basketball team and being told that while the home fans can sit in bleachers, the guests have to stand. . . that wouldn't make the host school look too good, would it?
This past month I decided to allow people to send me Instant Messages after having that ability blocked for some time. I had that blocked because of some of the things I was being asked, but I decided to give it another try. I've had a few very interesting chats with people who know me from my Oasis columns, and it is nice to know that so many people have read them.
A favorite stop of mine is the youth chat section on the Planet Out site on AOL (keyword: Outproud) and I've met some interesting gays in my age group there. Unfortunately, I've also had to deal with some weird people, and I don't think there's any real way to avoid them? I don't mind chatting with people, but I don't enjoy being asked questions about my sexual activities, and I'm especially not interested in talking to anyone about my feet! So if you happen to be online and see that I'm on too, please feel welcome to IM me, but just remember what I said about subject matter, I prefer discussing topics beyond my sex life. And if you have a foot fetish, don't bother talking to me about it because I'm not interested!
When I first began writing for Oasis, I never thought that my column would receive much attention, but during the past few months I've been sent e-mail from as far away as Australia! I never imagined that someone so far away would read anything I wrote, but the Internet makes national borders obsolete and allows free communication to anyone with access to a computer and a modem. . . it's amazing!
Oasis generates about 40, 000 hits a month, and I can't help wondering how many of those are from countries other than the United States. To think that something I am a regular contributor to may be read in other countries by similar teens makes me even more proud of myself!
Until Next Time,