San Andreas Fault

By Matt

San Andreas Fault moved her fingers through the ground,
Earth divided, plates collided, such an awful sound.
San Andreas Fault moved her fingers through the ground
terra cotta shattered and the walls came tumbling down.
-Natalie Merchant "San Andreas Fault"

If it wasn't for Jennifer Sanandreas then you wouldn't be reading this story. So if you laugh, if you cry, if you get bored and fall asleep, don't blame it on me...it's Jennifer Sanandreas' fault.

It was summer time. The year does not matter. The only thing that matters is that I was 16, school was out; and I was spending the night at my best friend Pete's house. Being 16, I was at my sexual peak, and it helped a lot that Pete had the largest collection of pornography in the tri-state area. He had videos on everything.

My favorites were normal sixties style slut movies like "Tootsie Takes Tucson" and "Bambie Does Boston" while Pete's favorite was "Long Dong Silver" He had watched the movie so many times that some parts could not be seen. All you could hear were the sounds of Long Dong tearing into his female counterparts. Back in those days, I thought he had some kind of bizarre penis envy. I was wrong.

As usual Pete's parents were gone; his mom and dad both worked in the military and they were nearly always at "the base". Pete had no brothers and sisters, so on the weekends I would usually come over to his house and stay the night. He needed the company, even though he never wanted to admit that he did.

That night, after watching "Debbie Does Dallas" and "Long Dong" we went to bed. We didn't sleep of course, we just popped in Natalie Merchant's CD Tigerlily and talked in the darkness. He always slept in the bed, and I always slept in the floor, his old Boy-Scout sleeping bag around me. That how we had always slept, even when we were little kids. Except then his Boy-Scout sleeping bag was new, and didn't smell like mold.

"...Your future bright, beyond compare, its rags to riches over there.." I sang along with the first song on the CD.

"You know its funny..." Pete started.

"What?" I asked. He had paused. I knew he didn't want to continue, because I knew what he was going to start talking about. Natalie just had to name the first song on her CD after the horny little girl next door.

"She wants to jump your bone, you know" He didn't sound to excited for me. I couldn't figure him out when he got like this, he just seemed jealous of her. Even though he had no reason to be. Not that I wouldn't mind having a piece of Jennifer Sanandreas' ass. The problem was, every boy that was a junior at Mount Gracie High School (and some of the seniors too) had had a piece of Jennifer, which meant she carried things like Herpes and AIDS. I was young but I was smart, and I knew I didn't want to die before I was twenty. That was why I always carried protection. And why I hadn't screwed Jen...yet.

"I know she does" I smiled into the dark, but I could tell he was frowning. He rolled over. This meant he wanted to end the conversation. Even though we had only been talking for five minutes he was mad.

"Fine" I thought, " If he wants to get jealous, let him get jealous. She's just a girl, he shouldn't care, unless he's some kinda faggot. I immediately scolded myself. Even though he could be a jerk, Pete was still my best friend and he wasn't any weirdo.

"Barrie.." he said after a couple of minutes.

"Huh?" I replied still a little pissed off.

"Goodnight, bud." "Goodnight." I said back, I smiled and I could feel him smiling back, even though I couldn't see him.


It was 4:00 and I couldn't resist anymore. I had had a dream while dozing. I dreamed that I went next door to Jennifer's and we got it on; big time. It was any normal boys fantasy of course. The prettiest girl in the school. A nice warm bed. Her sweaty body. Mmm..I could taste her. I had snuck out before. Pete didn't know, nor would he ever. I had went to Jennifer's and we had messed around, but as far as we had gone was maybe a little oral. I had always felt guilty leaving Pete, and like I said before, I didn't want a disease. But tonight would be different. Fuck Pete. Fuck Jennifer (definitely). Fuck Diseases.

"Tonight I am a TROJAN Man. And I am going to get some." I thought aloud.

I got up and looked at Pete as I put my shoes on. He slept in a tight ball and he didn't even roll over as I climbed out of the window. His room was on the first floor so it was not much of a jump to the ground. Jennifer's house was a different story. She was on the second floor. There was a tree leading up to her window, one I knew had been used by many boys before me; and maybe a few girls. She did have an older brother, after all.

I climbed in Jennifer's window, which opened into a tacky hall, decorated in green. I passed several doors, one with a picture of "The Beatles" on it. I suspected it was her brothers. I walked down the hall and into her room. She was freshening her lipstick.

"I suspected you would come" she said, "Are you ready to go all the way tonight big man."

"You bet" I said and laughed. I patted my pocket. The Trojans were still there.

"Good " she said as she grabbed me and flung me on the bed. She then preceded to fall on top of me, and my ever growing boner.

"This is better than any porno" I thought as I preceded to play with the nipple on her ever so subtle breast and she started to kiss me forcefully. I moaned. She moaned. Someone else moaned. A guy.

Pete. Pete followed me. I sat up throwing Jennifer off of me.

"Wha-wa-" I stammered aloud.

"Just my brother" She whispered and gently settled me back onto the bed with her kisses. But I was out of the game now. My boner had shrunk, her kisses were no longer tender, but really forceful.

"Jennifer" I started as I pushed her off a second time, "I don't think I'm ready"

She stared back at me, disbelief on her face. She wasn't really very pretty I noticed. Here eyes didn't glow back. They looked like a frogs. And as I stared she screamed.

"Oh fuck you!" You're never gonna be ready are you?! What are you a damn faggot or can you just not get it up?! DAMN!" She turned around to face the wall

"I'm sorry" was all I could muster.

"You're sorry. YOU'RE SORRY! You're a sorry faggot, that is all you are. Why don't you stop by my brother's room on your way out. You could probably get more satisfaction from him than me!"

I left as she kept cursing me as a gaywad under her breath. I started back down the hall and toward the window, but as I passed the room with the Beatles poster on the wall I noticed that it was slightly ajar. Was it true what she had said about her brother; or was she just mad. Did a faggot really live next door to Pete? I had to find out. I glanced back towards Jen's room but she had closed her door. I thought I heard her crying. Then I glanced into her brother's room.

It was illuminated by a fish tank in the corner. There were pictures of rock bands on the walls. Metallica, Sugar Ray, I even thought I saw one of Natalie Merchant. I glanced towards the bed.

Two bodies lay under the sheets, and I could tell that both were boys, since both had their shirts off. I could see Jennifer's brother's face. He was a nice looking guy; he looked like her. He had the same blonde hair as hers, but I figured that they both bleached it. I couldn't see the other guy's face, but he seemed to be about my age and about my build. I guess I would have considered him attractive, if I were gay, but contrary to the Jennifer Sanandreas belief system, I am not.

I turned when I heard the door click. I waited in silence but Jen never came. So I was safe, for the time being. I stole one more look into the gay boy's room. I wish I had not, because as I looked the blonde boy began to massage the other's chest. Unfortunately this is not what turned me off to the whole situation. No, the other boy wasn't naked, and he wasn't trying to stick his dick in the other boys mouth. It was much worse than any of that. Because the boy was Pete. Pete. Peter. My friend. And he was gay. My best friend was gay. I ran toward the window, and onto the roof.

I grabbed onto the knarled tree and started to climb down.

"Pete's gay. My best friend. My best goddamn friend. A faggot." I was so caught up in my grief that I didn't hear the branch snap beneath my feet, didn't see myself lose my grip, and didn't feel it as I slammed into the ground that had previously been thirty feet away.

And as I stare up at the stars; watching them blink out one by one. I find myself thinking about Pete. And I know, that while I had had sex on many occasions, and I enjoyed almost every time that it happened, no girl ever stroked me the way the Sanandreas boy had touched Pete. And no one had actually made love to me. I had been alone. Except for Pete. And maybe if I had tried. I could have loved him too. Better than any Sanandreas ever could.....

O promised land, O wicked ground,
build a dream, tear it down.
O promised land, what a wicked ground,
build a dream, watch it all fall down.

-Natalie Merchant "San Andreas Fault"

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