Troy N. Diggs

May 1998

April 15, 1998

"Love is all around, no need to waste it...
You can have the town, why don't you take it?
You're gonna make it after all...
You're gonna make it after all."

--- Theme from "The Mary Tyler Moore Show"

There's an old saying that someone is "their own worst enemy." For me, it's kind of been true the last week, and really, it scares me.

It all started a week ago Sunday, when my best friend told me that I was creeping this cute guy out a little. He comes into work all the time, and up until about a month ago, managed to get free rentals out of anybody who checked him out (literally and figuratively), both the guys and the girls. He's a damned good flirt.

So, when I was told that, it sent me into this little shock wave... after all, we're talking about a guy notorious for flirting shamelessly with anyone who breathes, and I'm creeping HIM out. I don't know what it was, but I cried. A lot. Here I was trying to be a nice guy to him (and really, all I'd done was ask him out and call him a couple of times to try to get to know him better), and I get that. It did not sit well with me at all.

Let's fast forward to a couple of days later, also at work... there were two gals with me there that night, and one of them was checking out a really cute guy... I was at the other checkout, and I slipped her a note saying "Why do you always get the cute ones?" It was a joke. Promise. She read it, laughed, and threw it in the trash. The other gal picks it up out of the trash and reads it. Out loud. It freaked the guy out a lot, and it freaked me out as well... I mean, hello, this was something private, and it was just an innocent comment... for you "Are You Being Served?" fans out there, think "Dear Sexy Knickers."

To make a long story short, I spent about a week in this really bad funk trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with me. I mean, I'm 21 years old, and I've only been on *3* dates I'd classify as "good dates"... and here I am scaring off these guys and getting aggravated over finding "Mr. Right". Instead of adopting the "Mary Richards" attitude to life, I started feeling more like "Johnny Bravo."

Am I over it? Not really... obviously, if I was over it, I wouldn't be writing a column about it... but there's something deeper here. Everyone has personality flaws, and my big one is having such a big heart that I don't like to blame anyone else for the mishaps in life; it's somehow my fault and my problem. I hate having to face it, but it is.

It's a week later, and hey, I've quit bawling my eyes out and calling my friends at 3 AM... do I feel bad? Kind of, but something things just need to be let go, you know? After all, I'm me, and if that's not acceptable to somebody, it's their problem, not mine. To me, that sounds really really harsh, but at the same time, it is the truth.

Cope and deal.

Mail! TDiggs@aztec.astate.edu, or http://www.geocities.com/~tdiggs/

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