Don't Lose Hope

Part I

By Trenton, CurtL33707@aol.com

There Matt stood on my doorstep, a slight nervous grin spread on his face. I don't know why he always acts nervous, we've been going out for six months now. We'd had a great time that night. We caught a movie and then had dinner at this little place we know... all right, so we ate at McDonalds. After dinner we just walked up and down the beach, and then he walked me home.

So here I am, home. Matt and I giving the same awkward gaze as we do every other Saturday night. Finally he steps up to me and we both lean into a long, sweet passionate kiss. I don't care what my mom says, I'm not too young for this.

My name is Hope and I go to Oceana High School. Matt is in all of my classes except for P.E. I'm Matt's age, 15, with long light brown hair and pretty green eyes. I guess I'm about average weight.

Matt is the cutest boy in school. All of the girls, including myself, go crazy for him. Besides having great looks he has an equally great personality. He is very nice to me and everyone else that is nice to him. He can be very romantic at times. Matt is 5'8" and about 135 pounds. His blue eyes go very nicely with his beautiful blond hair, and surfer cut. He is very athletic, but he doesn't have so much muscle that you want to throw up when you see him with his shirt off, quite to the contrary actually.

Sunday was a very bad day for me. I spent the day at the mall with Matt. We had a great time until we decided to go to the food court for lunch. We both got a variety plate from a Chinese restaurant. As I was working on my orange chicken and Matt was finishing his Pepper steak, Beth walked up to our table. Beth was a girl in our English class. Not many people, I was no exception, talked to Beth. About halfway through the year it was common knowledge that she was a lesbian. She told Karen, my best friend, that she was in love with her. Matt didn't seem to mind her.

Beth said hello and I just looked at her with a false grin. I tried to make it as clear as possible that my grin was fake, but she obviously didn't pick up on it. The next words to come out of her mouth were "uh, Hope. This is hard for me to say, but I've had a big crush on you for a long time." I just sat there for a minute, blankly registering what she had just said to me. How dare she tell me this. What gives a girl the right to like another girl that way anyway? I told her to go away and leave me alone. She did quickly. She looked like she was about to implode.

Matt just sat there quietly afterward, stabbing a piece of meat that was suspiciously tender for beef. Something was bothering him, but I wasn't sure exactly what it was. But enough of him, I was to angry from what Beth just did to me. This is going to come up in therapy someday! I hope it doesn't get around school that a lesbo likes me!

Everyone looks tired after a long weekend of partying and whatever else. Now, back at school, the Monday morning announcements start on a more serious note than usual. One of the more popular boys in the school, Peter, went on a camping trip with a couple of buddies over the weekend. The assistant principle sadly reports that he died in a canoeing accident. The canoe he and his two friends were in flipped over, the other two swam to shore, but the current caught Pete and he hit his head on a rock.

We all sit silent in class after the announcements finish. A heaviness I've never experienced before is pushing down on me. Judging by the looks of everyone else, they are under the same feel of heavy air pushing from above.

Peter was a great guy. 5'9" with dark layered hair. He was thin but somewhat muscular. He wasn't the most attractive kid in school, but he made up for his looks with his cheery, fun loving personality. We all spent the day in a silent mourning state. Even the teachers seemed greatly affected by this.

Between this and the incident at the mall the day before I officially named this the "All time worst week from hell." I went home and just cried for a couple of hours. It had been an overcast day and now it looked like the sky was about to open up and spew water everywhere. Sure enough, after about twenty minutes the rain just saturated the earth.

At eight o'clock I heard the front doorbell ring. It was still raining hard, and I wondered who would be visiting me in this weather. I walked downstairs, my parents weren't home to get the door like they usually are. I opened the door and looked to see who it was. That's odd, nobody. I look down and see a small cardboard box, slightly wet, sitting on the doorstep. I pick it up and take it inside. I sit the box on the kitchen counter and open it. My first reaction in to gasp. The box contains an envelope with my name on it. Under the envelope is some of my things which I left at Matt's house over the past six months.

I open the envelope and read the letter inside. My heart inched it's way into my throat as I read the note:


I have something I have to tell you. Peter's death has affected me in a way that not even his parents can relate to. I've had a crush on him since seventh grade. I'm gay. I'm really sorry that I have to tell you this, especially now, but I do. I've been living my life in denial. I thought if I went out with a nice girl I could change myself, but I'm afraid to say, I now know I can't. Now that Peter does not live, I can't go on either. The only way I can be fair to myself now, is not to let myself live under all of this mental stress. Tonight will be the last time I dance to "our song." I'm sorry.

Again I'm Sorry,


Hot, salty tears began to roll, uncontrollably, from my eyes. Suddenly it dawned on me that I had to try to stop him. What did he mean "Tonight will be the last time I dance to 'our song'"? Of course, he's going to the night club by the beach, what is it called? Los Terras? No, Los Torrez, that's it.

I ran out the door and toward Los Torrez. As I approached the building I heard the last few seconds of "(Everything I do) I do it for you", that's our song. I ran up to the building and...


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