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James

June 1998

So, I am writing this about a day and a half after the deadline. It has been another busy month, but a fun one so far. My geology classes this term (we have two 12-week terms, then a six week term in which we take two classes) involve two trips (one week each) to Virginia's Eastern Shore. The Eastern Shore, for those of you who don't know, is the part of Virginia across the Chesapeake bay, on the Delmarva peninsula (named for Delaware, Maryland and Virginia, which all split it).

The first trip was to the Atlantic side of the peninsula and was a blast. This trip will be to the Bay side, and will be considerably muckier. I had a few deer ticks last time which carry Lyme Disease, and while I have no problem with the idea of leeches and ticks sucking my blood, I have a serious problem with acquiring a parasite that will attack my Central Nervous System. Thankfully it is easily treatable, but it still freaks me out.

Now, for what I really wanted to talk about. Remember a couple of months ago when I spoke of the blond guy who drives me wild? (The one who smells good?) Well, he left a while ago for a trip of his own. I find myself thinking about him a lot. I had thought that I was getting over him, but I guess not. It's funny, really.

There are a lot of guys I think are cute, but Blond is different. Usually I look at someone and think "I'd go out with him" (remember, no random hook-ups. I want a relationship. At least some feeling.). But with Blond, I know that he is the kind of person I want to fall in love with.

Does that sound as silly to you as it does to me? It sounds almost ludicrous, but it is true. I want to fall in love with him. More than I can put into words. To make it worse, I helped drive him, and the rest of his class, to the airport about three hours away. While in the van he turned to me and grinned, said "It wish you were coming with us. That would be cool." Then he grinned again. My heart sank. I wanted to lean over and kiss him so bad I could almost feel it.

I managed to look casual (I think) and respond with a simple "Yeah, that'd be fun". But inside I was about to cry.

Now, you are going to think I'm being desperate, but it's something someone else noticed too. Every once in a while I catch him looking at me, or one of the other guys we both know. He occasionally talks about women, but extremely rarely. And in the dining hall a female friend and I watched him for about 45 minutes. He never once looked at a woman. This doesn't mean anything in itself, but I have convinced myself (with some outside help) to just casually come out to him. That way, if he is some flavor of homosexual, he'll know I'm there. Even if he just wants someone to talk to.

I know. It sounds ridiculous. But oh well.

I haven't told anyone else about how I feel, so I'm using this forum to vent. For that I'm sorry. So I'll get out of your hair now.

James
jsammons@wlu.edu or
octavius3@hotmail.com


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