June 1998

Hello again everyone!!!

Well, I hope that some of you have read my first column I wrote last month. Well, I am going to pick up where I left off last time. I do have some other stuff that went on since I wrote it. I will write it in a later issue.

Now for the "Real World"

I was done with my elementary school year going on to junior high. Also, it was time for me to leave home and live on campus in the dormitory. I was pretty nervous about it. Living in a dorm with a bunch of guys that I don't know.. I knew a few could sign, but I was excited because I was able to meet some new friends and go to a new school.

I got pretty used to the school fast the first week there. Things started to go in my mind about other guys. Being able to see them A LOT more often, like in the morning in the shower room, in the locker room at gym class and at night before bed. I kept myself pretty low, because I didn't know what or how to make a move.

The roommate I had my first month was pretty hot. I always "eyed" him whenever I got a chance. He would snap at me sometime when he saw me looking at him, but never did any harm. After being in that area, I moved to another area. This classmate of mine. I had the hots for him. I just loved his "boyish" body. We started to talk about sex stuff and it was great to able to talk about it with another guy! We never did anything sexual, because I didn't want to make myself look bad. The best thing of it was to be able to see some of the guys go though changes in their boyhood to becoming "young men".

One night, I couldn't sleep well, I just laid in bed. I thought I heard something going on, I put in my hearing aid in and I heard my roommate on the other side of the wall doing something. I knew right away what he was doing. The next morning I asked if was having a hard time sleeping. He said why? I said, "well, I put in my hearing aids and heard you moaning and stuff." His face turned RED! Then I knew he was up to something! He didn't admit it.. A few night later, I was just ready to sleep when something hit my head! I got up and see what it was. Here it was a bottle of baby lotion! On it, there was a paper taped to it which said, "This may be part of what you may heard the other night, use it you want to..." A few days after that, he asked if I got the message that he threw over. I said, yeah, I did and I knew what you were doing. Then we talked about it a lot. I thought maybe he was gay since we talked about it a lot.. Then he was seeing Jessica, and I knew for sure he was not gay.

Toward the end of the school year, James came to my room. My roommates were gone, and it was just me and James. James asked if I wanted to do it with him. I really didn't know what to say!! I told him,. "No, I won't do it..." He left with no problem. I think the reason I didn't do it with him because I was scared of us getting caught, and I've NEVER had a guy ask me!!! So I must of been in "shock?"

Summer Break?

That summer after school got out, I had to have a major surgery on my bladder. Due to my premature birth, I had to have my bladder "redone" where it should be, like move the tube that leads from my kidney to my bladder to the right place. I was pretty calm about the whole thing! Thing that really took me for a surprise when I was prepped for surgery, they had to shave my pubic hair off!! YIKES!!! Boy, I tell you, I really looked young again!! (I was 14 at the time) So, I was laid up in the hospital for a week and a half. The hardest thing was learning to go to the bathroom again after having a catheter in almost a week! I tell you, it really burned BIG time when I had to pee. The rest of the summer was really slow, I couldn't do much at all. Later on, I was invited to go along with my group from Church to go up to the Pastor's Folk cabin up north, so that really cheered me up! During that time up there, one morning before we headed out to the lake, I went in to the cabin. Some of the guys were still laying around being bums. I went to give Bryan and James a hard time about being bums. I got onto the bed and pushed them around. Bryan just laid there. I was on top of him and he said his back was sore from the bed. So, I gave him a back rub. Bryan was sure a good-looking teenager! I was really turned on rubbing his soft bare back. I just wished I could turn him over and rub his chest. But, I didn't chance it! I've thought about him a lot after that.

"The Real Thing!"

I was on the basketball team in 8th grade. We were on the road to play a game in Iowa. I wanted to share room with one guy, but he already had someone else join him. So I ended up with Shane. Shane was a good looking guy and two years older, but had this "rich kid" attitude. I kept my cool. That night, just before bed, I was laying on the bed reading the paper in my underwear. Shane came into the room. He said "looks like you are ready for something," and then threw a wash cloth in my face and said, "use this to clean up after yourself tonight." I said, "Clean what up?" I knew what he meant, but I wanted to see what he said... nothing. I went to bed and later on, woke up and saw him laying there going at it! I was just going wild! I held myself back. He saw me watching him and quickly got under the covers! I though I blew it! A few minutes later, he got up and asked if I have ever been with a guy or wanted to try. I was speechless! I said I wanted to. but couldn't find one who would without risking it. He told me it was okay for us to do it because he likes other guys. After that night, I knew I liked other guys, and enjoyed it. Later on that winter, he had to move to anther school. So we had no contact after that.

I was pretty much on my own after that. I just wished there was an easier way to me to find out if there were other guys in my unit or the dorm that like to be with another guy.

Well, it is getting late here for me. I have been pretty busy with a few things and working extra time, so I am sorry if this is short or poorly written. I hope to have more time for next month's issue.

Take care!

Love, Jay

Feel free to write to me at PR235@aol.com

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