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Schell

June 1998

Everything Zen

"Try to see it once my way....." - Bush

I came out to someone tonight in the gay club here in Saskatoon FINALLY after a little bit of self evaluation. I figured "I have nothing to lose." After all, I did have a pretty crappy night at Diva's. I had just gotten off of both jobs and was extremely tired. It surprisingly went over really well, just the fact that I was risking a good friendship was what scared me. But by the time that Sneaker Pimps "Spin Spin Sugar" came on I was ready to come out the door fists flying. So maybe tonight wasn't as bad as I thought it was. But I was dealing with a lot of anxiety tonight that I harboured the first time I ever came out.

My prime example is this thing called the gay "community". Yeah and what a "community" it is. I find the backstabbers, the sluts and the liars a little too much of an acquired taste. In short, you're nobody until someone pays attention to you. And being bisexual is worse. (My example) No one in this "community" is willing to accept bisexuality for what it is. No one is willing to educate themselves and why should they? Because it would make the gay community a lot less ignorant. I mean walk a mile in my shoes, I think it says it all.

I don't just want to be loved, I want to love. This is hard when the "community" decides to sleep around with everyone else. I'm sorry I'm just not a slut like the rest of them.. Pretty shameful eh??

I think that if people would respect each others philosophies a lot more, and each others ideologies I think this thing that we call the "community" would be a better place. Like my friend who I came out to who was very understanding and accepted me for who I am.

Nuff said.

Schell


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