Paul Sepuya

June 1998

When you love someone, or at least thought you did... when you really, really cared... cared so much that a bad note or impression could create an inescapable chasm into which you would forever be chained.

Or when the mind-altering presence of his magnetic force pulled all the iron from your healthy blood and forged a solid wall of impenetrable, anti-acoustic, unbreakable silence between you and him.

You are both yelling at the top of your lungs, but the sound is distorted by the wall's gravitational force like light into a blackhole.

Luckily, physics states that a monument can only be so large until it is destroyed under its own weight. Well, our silence adds weight over time. The weight that we'd thought would kill us saved us, and the wall came tumbling down.

This makes absolutely no sense unless you are aware of my situation. I'm sure most of you know exactly what I'm talking about. You can't seem too interested. He knows you adore him, you know he would love to talk to you. The problem is that everyone else knows, and you two would instantly become the next conversation piece over everyone's lunchtime meal. The kind of conversation that goes on past the bell, where unchewed food flies from hysterically chortling mouths, that has to be continued way into the night on a three-way phone.

* * *

Did you ever think about what would happen if two men went on a road trip together. Who would ask directions? Oh! The tragedy! When boyfriends get lost.

I once dreamed of a Roman Catholic missionary in India. He left his home in the Bible-thumping southern USA, to travel halfway around the world to convert some so-called pagans. Yet he finds himself inspired and amazed at the beauty, the spirituality, and the glory of Hindu Brahma. Rig Veda replaces Genesis.

The following is a poem;

all I have written
and the words still unthought
may not be here
if my inspiration were to die
in itself and by yourself
if you were to come to me
if my inspiration were to die
it would be reborn in you
close the past
and start a new chapter in you
all i will write
and future words to come
may not ever be
if my inspiration were to live
in the suffering of this lifetime
glory to Buddha's redemption
in itself, by yourself
and kill off this inspiration
have him reborn in me
if my inspiration were to die


article left in progress... to be finished next month.

Arrivaderla! your dedicated servant,

Paul Sepuya


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