July 1998

This is the first time I've ever written to an online magazine. It is a very new experience for me. I actually found the magazine by accident. I was looking up some Greek words and I was reading the page when I saw the address, and decided to check it out.

I should have really started by introducing myself, but oh well. My name is Jenny and I'm a 17 year old bisexual. Although being bisexual is very new to me, I suppose I've known for a long time, but never acknowledged it. I'm not sure why I'm writing this, maybe I just need to know someone is listening.

Here is my story, if you want to hear it: It started when I first moved to Sioux Falls, SD (Even though it really started much before that.) I met a few girls on the first day school. We became immediate friends and we started spending our free time together. The second day that I was with them I found out that one of them was in a relationship with another girl. I had no problem with it and it actually interested me. She was always very open about it with our immediate friends, and listening to her talk about her relationship made me start to question my own sexuality. I guess then I still thought I was still heterosexual.

I have had sexual relations with girls before, but I was 12 years old and only thought of it as experimentation. Then about four months ago, I began receiving letters from a girl in my French class. At first I only thought of it as a friendship and so we began hanging out. Then one day in her car, she told me that she liked me as more than a friend. I still thought that I was heterosexual and so it made me feel uncomfortable inside (although I told her that it didn't bother me.) It was the first time that a girl had had a crush on me, and now I realize that it made me feel uncomfortable because she made me question myself further. With all the questioning I was doing, I finally became aware that I was bisexual. It came from a lot of inner searching for me to become aware of it. I come from a very Catholic background and was taught that it was wrong. What I was feeling inside and what I was taught are very different, and it created a major struggle. I finally realized that I couldn't be happy denying what I really want.

The only people that I have told, although my step-mother suspects, are my best friends that are bi and my friend that is gay. I really feel better about myself knowing that I do fit in somewhere on the spectrum of life. Although, I still feel somewhat out of place in society, which is O.K. because I always have been somewhat out of place anyway.

Please don't think that I only think that I'm bi because my friends are, because I really feel that even if I hadn't of met them I still would be. For the first time I'm really happy with who I am.

Thank you for listening even though I don't know what you will do with this letter. All the same thank you for being there.



P.S. Feel free to respond at leokat@vcn.com

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