Hey there, kids! Uncle Bill had a brilliant column all ready to go, but he left it at work and he's running way over both his bedtime and his deadline, so what happens? You get the remnants of whatever is floating about in my brain at the moment! You also get to look forward to an August column of sheer, awesome, god-like profundity. Really, I'll pull through. I swear.
Last night, my ex-boyfriend came to see my where I work. This is unusual, insofar as he lives about 400 miles away. If you want to know what it's like to have your heart stop, try staring across a plate of croissants at a gorgeous young man who's just appeared after a six month absence. Anyway, he'd come to town to visit his current girlfriend (yes, he's bisexual), and it seems that she's been cheating on him. The lesson here: Girls suck. No, really, the lesson is that long-distance relationships Don't Work. There are too many, well, physical difficulties. Unless both parties are extremely mature and they've already been together for a while, absence makes the heart go wander. And if you try to get around by having an "open relationship" than you've just severed any romantic ties. If you're not faithful and you don't see each other, then you don't have a relationship, you have a vague affection for someone far away.
I went to the Tibetan Freedom Concert last weekend. It was incredibly cool, even though a couple of people got struck by lightning on Saturday. R.E.M. played on Sunday. Just let me say: Michael Stipe is such a queen! He was wearing a skirt and prancing around the stage. The boy can sing, but he should not be allowed to dress himself.
Also: the Tibetan Freedom Concert was filled with gorgeous, shirtless young men. Wow.
About Brock Pierce, the subject of last month's Feature Article: he was in a movie called First Kid, in which his character moons a bunch of reporters. Apparently, Brock refused to do the scene, so my friend, Steve Caywood, (then 21 years old) was hired to be his butt double. Steve is 5'2" and blonde, so it worked. Lately, we've been teasing him by saying that he's got the ass of a 12-year-old queer boy. Random connections which mean nothing, but it's amusing.
Big Gay Al's Big Gay Animal Park: on that episode of South Park, did you notice how they managed to indulge every gay stereotype, but still come out with a gay-positive message? You go, boys!
Well, brevity is soul of wit, and all that. More from me next month. Any replies can be send to firstname.lastname@example.org