I should start with some witty quote, or a few lines of a poem, but as I can't think of any, I'll forego it this time and promise to do better next time. Being new to this, you're probably not expecting much. Well damn it, I'm going to make this memorable, interesting, witty, and a biting commentary on our changing times and the meaning of being part of the young jet-set queer youth.
My name is Graham, I live in Southern Ontario in the frozen wasteland that is Canada. I go to school in Kitchener, but I don't live there. I live in a smaller city that is within it's vicinity, Cambridge. Cambridge is a place where some weavers set up knitting mills centuries ago, and the place has gone downhill ever since. Cambridge is the type of town where, even with a population of 100,000, we only have one bookstore. Further explanation should be unnecessary.
I go to Eastwood Collegiate Institute, which is a place where there seems to be an astonishing number of born-again Christians. As long as you stay away from them and their neo-conservative views, it's not a problem.
I am a Douglas Coupland fan, (author of "Generation X" and "Microserfs") and So, in this shameless imitation of "Microserfs", My seven dream Categories in Jeopardy! would be as follows:
And so, in a roundabout and unhelpful way, I have managed to tell you very little about myself. I should tell you some of the juicy details of my life. But bear with me, we need to go over the cast of characters first. I'm not supposed to use real names, so these are made up.
Baby bug -- My bisexual friend. She came out shortly after I did, and is very vocal in the local Queer Community. This is because her parents are not perceptive or questioning, and therefore she has remained closeted at home. She is very, very passionate about her beliefs in equality. Currently going out with a guy...let's call him Banjo.
Tigger -- Sexually ambiguous friend who enjoys controversy, no matter how she causes it. really energetic, and hence sometimes exhausting to be around. But lots of fun and always ready to try something new.
Smoke -- Friend (female) who for all of grade 9 had a big crush on me. But, recently decided that she is bisexual. The hitch: I'm not sure I believe her. More on that later. The first person I ever came out to.
Santa -- Friend I have known for many years now, since grade 4. Says he's straight, but Baby Bug doesn't believe him. Furthermore, She thinks he likes ME. *gasp*
Lusty -- Straight friend who is my debating partner. She knows I'm gay, but doesn't seem to talk about it much. I don't know whether this is a good sign or bad. She is very smart and doesn't take nothin' from nobody.
Choosy -- Got her name because she is a chronic boyfriend dumper. Just generally a great person to have around. Only girl I've ever kissed, and that's only because it was a play at school.
Twiggy -- astonishingly thin girl who says, along with Choosy, that she would fight for going out with me if I was straight. Great girl, but enjoys clubbing, which I hate. To each his/her own.
Rumor & Monger -- Inseparable pair who always have the freshest gossip around. Rumor is male and Monger is female. Rumor says he's straight, but Monger isn't sure. Rumor once told Monger he loved her, while in a drunken stupor. Lots o' fun.
Coaster -- alright, finally, the man of my dreams. Unfortunately, spoken for by girl I'll name Clip Clop. Shamelessly straight, but Smoke tells me he's not 100% breeder. I hope she's not just trying to cheer me up.
* * *
So there are the cast of characters in my life. There are others, of course, but these are the integral ones in my story of Coming Out. If my life was a sitcom, Choosy says that she feels like the token straight character. Funny. Anyway, I am writing this column because a) I enjoy bitching. b) I think I have some good things to say. And c) I'm trying to make myself more Net-literate, since this is supposedly the way of the future.
I'll be addressing many issues, one per month. On the menu currently are,
I apologize to everyone who likes their columnists totally spontaneous; don't get me wrong, I'm not some total neat freak writer who makes lists of everything and checks them off. I just wanted to let you know what will be coming up, so if anything particularly interests you, you can find out in advance. I do enjoy reading people's columns when they are talking about their day, etc., but I have bigger fish to fry. *insert cliché here*
So, that's me for this month. Next time, I'll force upon you the story of my Coming Out, with the cast of characters introduced earlier. Some are minor parts, but there are no small parts, only small actors. That is, if you are to believe the feel-good propaganda put out by primary school teachers. I don't.
Feel free to email me anytime at email@example.com, and since I know you're wondering, definition of "Interiority": "to get inside someone's head." Neat, no?
This Month's crappy public service announcement slogan:
***Canadian Tire's "Stay alert...stay safe"***
what the hell is that?
*small note: I have recently re-discovered yo-yo's. They're so much more fun than I remember them to be!*
Graham Scott was born in 1981, and he's been in a rut ever since. An unapologetic Canadian, he refuses to watch hockey, even though, as a Canadian citizen, it is required by law. Ever the orwellian hero, he has refused and therefore lives in a small white room, lorded over by the thought police. easy come, easy go.