Miguel Solana

July 1998

It's been a while since I last wrote, at least it seems so to me. Life has been pretty busy here. Lots of school work, and things to do, which has given me many things to think about. Life has proven to become even more interesting just when I start to think I have had enough of something. I may say that a lot, but that is happening very frequently lately.

One of the most recurrent topics with the people I have been has been "gayness." It hasn't been usual to talk about that, but now it's become more noticeable that it is a reality that youth are starting to face here in Mexico. I'm not out to the people at school -- because I'd be kicked out of it -- but we have been able to talk about those topics in a more open way. Sadly it seems their ideas are still in the past century, but one good thing is that they are no longer avoiding the subject. They know that it is something that exists even if they think it's far removed from them. Their idea is mainly that it's an illness and can be cured -- big misconception -- but at least they are starting to make their own hypothesis about it, so as they start to think more they will be more open and conscious that being gay is not being a masochist.

I hope we all have grown mentally to a state where we don't label things. It's sad to label things, as everything is unique and different. I don't like something to be labeled as gay because it's ridiculous to do that. There are all kinds of gays, from the one that tries to cover his gayness by bashing others, to the one completely closeted, to a non-noticeable gay, to the one that loves what is so-called faggot stuff (such as poetry, music, arts, painting, sculpture etc.), to the techno dancing guy, to the effeminate guy. We all are gay, we are as diverse as any other group of people. We can't label anything at all, because a single word wouldn't fit us in trying to describe exactly the precise person we really are.

It is hard to talk about gays, everybody is different, everybody has their own ideas, and everybody lives and has lived different things, so even if we share the same preference emotionally, that doesn't mean we have to be part of what is considered a gay culture. We all are gay, but we all belong to the same society. We don't have to try to be part of what is called the gay community -- that would be like isolating ourselves from the rest of the world -- but also we have to be there for each other, for people suffering from what we once suffered or simply those things we had the luck not to suffer (discrimination, rejection, abuse etc.). We are a group of persons sharing one feeling, but at the same time we have to be part of the whole.

When we start unlabeling things, we will no longer be a minority and we will be considered normal (not meaning we are not normal, we are as normal as we exist), just that we will not be something from apart the rest of the majority of people. We'll be part of them, we'll share everything and not always trying to remain detached from the rest. I think that day humankind will understand that there are many forms of love expressed with very different faces. Love is a universal feeling, and it comes in many forms, this is one of them. They must understand it not only has one face, it has many as varied as any other form of love, and it does belong to what is natural. We are not the gay community, we are the group of people living in a huge world. We live the same way as the others, were born the same way, and will also die alike, so why try to be different and be labeled? Be yourself, don't fit any stereotype. If you feel like to come out of the closet is OK, if you feel like not to, it's OK also. You must have your own reasons as well as the ones out had them, be yourself, be authentic, don't be part of a label that maybe doesn't even fit you.

It's hard to remember that every day I can see myself closer to my entrance to our university. I remember when I used to think about it as a far away thing. Now I'm in my military service year, and as university papers start to pass by my desk, without my even noticing it, I'm much nearer to college. It has become a hard decision, whether to stay in Mexico or not. Is the university I want the correct choice? There are still many questions in the air, but what I really want is to get a job working in something that I really want. That'll fulfill a part of me. That'll make me happy in the many hours and days from my life, but will be worth it as it's as much a part of me as my affection and emotions. I guess I won't a bit long this time. I hope it was clear enough for you. If you have any comments about this, please send them to: jmsolana@geocities.com I'll be glad to hear them. See you next month.

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