August 1998

A few days ago, I took home a copy of XY magazine. But I didn't buy it, I don't think I am gutsy enough to do so. See, I work in a bookstore, and when the new issues of magazines come in, the old ones get thrown away, or snatched up by lucky employees. I happened to be one of the lucky employees. I had never before opened an issue of XY magazine, but I was so surprised to find such a kick ass magazine, and geared at gay teens no less! When I brought it home, I stayed up and read it, amazed at what I had been missing. The issues theme was 'OUT' and there were pictures of cute boys who had recently outed themselves to family and friends.

Discovering a magazine like this made me feel good about my sexuality. That is, whenever I read, see, or hear about something that is gay positive. Last year is when I started telling my friends that I was attracted to boys more so than girls, in other words, that I was gay. My first year away from college was such an eye opening experience for me. I chose to go to San Francisco State, thinking it should have a gay friendly atmosphere. I was right.

After my first year of college was over, I decided that San Francisco State was not the best choice academically because I wanted to study in the field of art, fashion and photography, two subjects that I felt would be better studied at an art college. In the meantime, I am back at home. I have applied to go to the local community college. Back to the small town mentality.

When I was in high school, I always got ridiculed along with my brother for looking and dressing different. Fellow peers would torment me and call me names. I never admitted to anyone that I was gay at the time. I was too afraid that I would get my ass kicked because my school was so white trash. Well, the jocks were the main threat. I cannot believe the ages of the kids that have admitted to their parents about their sexuality! I am so happy and jealous, but mostly happy to know that there are outspoken teenagers as young as 13 years old who realize they should not hide the truth just because they are different. I only wish I was that brave at such a young age. Knowledge is power.

I would really like my mom to know that I am gay, but she is under a lot of stress now, and it is not the right time. I want to say thank you to all the writers who contribute to informing the queer youth of the world on Oasis. You really inspired me to write this.

Until next time, take care of yourself. pukfuct@hotmail.com

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